"Bed of Roses"

written by Bonnie Hayes
as recorded by Bette Midler

Long, long ago, where the tall grass grows
and the still air is sweet with summer flowers;
in the shade by the stream I would lie awake and dream,
and in dreaming I would while away the hours.

Long, long gone yesterday,
and the castle and the prince and the God to whom I prayed.
Well, I made, and I'm gonna lie in this bed of roses.
I'm tired of trying to be free.
Gonna lay down like a sigh in my bed of roses.
Bed of roses I believed my life would be.

Well, I wasted years,
all the useless, bitter tears.
If I'd known I'd have stopped it at the start.
I knew life was long,
and I knew life could go wrong,
but I never knew my life would break my heart.

Dreams die harder than pride.
I have learned my lesson well.
I will put them both aside.
'Cause I made and I'm gonna lie in this bed of roses.
I'm tired and I'm dying to be free.
Gonna lay down like a sigh in my bed of roses.
Bed of roses I believed my life would be.

Roses die, and all the fairy tales are lies,
and I guess that's just too bad for poor old me.
'Cause I made, and I'm gonna lie in my bed of roses.
Bed of roses I believed my life would be.
Bed of roses I believed my life would be.

NYC weekend

So, I realize that, once again, it's been way too long since I've posted. It's not like I don't have the time, but I guess really I don't, considering that most of my spare time is spent alone at home and I have no internet at home, therefore making blogging almost impossible. (I can't blog on my cell. I barely can text any more due to my sausage fingers. Well, they're not really sausage fingers. Let's just say I'm really bad at texting because I never put the right part of my fingers down on the screen, plus I try to text only with my thumbs, and let's face it, they're not tiny.) Anywho, there have been some things of note happen since my last blog, specifically the fact that I went to New York City for the first time! *Cue important music - hellifiknow what - the graduation march, or Hail to the Chief - whatever* I am working on a personal document for me to keep that details the whole weekend, but I will cram six days into as short of a blog as I can manage and still do the city justice.

I took the Amtrak from Cincinnati, because it was going to be about half the price of flying, and I most certainly wasn't going to drive into Manhattan. No thank you, sir. The trip to NYC was not so bad. I got a lot of reading done, although I didn't sleep much, and my seat mate was nice. (Not that the seat mate on the way back wasn't nice; the rest of that trip was just so horrendous that it sort of negated anything else.) We arrived at Penn Station about ten minutes early, and I just kind of hung around until Jon-Michael came to meet me. We had a hot dog on the street, then took a cab to his apartment. After dropping off my things, we walked around a little bit, passing the piers and seeing the Staten Island Ferry station, among other things. The next morning we had breakfast and had time to go to Times Square before it was time for the main event - Bette Midler in I'll Eat You Last: A Chat with Sue Mengers at the Booth Theatre.

I was far less emotional about seeing Bette for the first time than I thought I would be. I did feel tears well up as I waited for her appearance onstage, but I didn't actually cry until a little bit later. I also managed to not sit there shaking like an addict in withdrawal. Go me! I was on the end of the second row, all the way to the left (or rather, stage right). Let me just say that she was amazing. She was well lit and looked absolutely stunning. She was barely clothed, just wearing a thin muumuu, no shoes, and a wig (not an impressive one, either). She was riotous. She knew exactly where to play for laughs and, since the play was set up like Sue Mengers is just chatting away to people from her living room couch, she even smirked at her own jokes appropriately. She was heartbreaking as well. There were a few moments (one where she speaks of not fitting in as a child, and another where she speaks of visiting friend Ali McGraw at home) where she brought legitimate tears to my eyes. I could have sat there listening to her for hours. It was glorious.

After that I took the subway to the Lower East Side, where Jon-Michael was hanging with his friend Isaiah. My first day in NYC, and I took the subway alone. Go me! (Wait, I already said that. Ugh. I've become one of *those* people, that says idiotic things like, "Go me!" in totally inappropriate contexts and way too often.) We went and had a hot dog at some place called Crif Dogs where I had the most amazing hot dog of my life. Wrapped in bacon, deep-fried, and served with avocado and cream cheese. It was delectable. We hung out for a while, went to a place called McSorley's, then went back to Jon-Michael's for a nap before we went out to see a late drag show.

Sunday was a big day. We had brunch at Max Brenner's. They're known for their chocolate. I had a delicious healthy breakfast. (No sarcasm, really.) We spent a lot of time in Central Park, saw Rockefeller Center, and walked down 5th Avenue for a bit. We did A LOT of walking. We took the Staten Island Ferry, then from there we were on our way back to the apartment when we saw a line of people getting their pictures taken with someone. I couldn't see who at first, but I got in line anyway. It was Megan Fox! I've never been a fan, but she was very polite. She didn't say much, but she smiled and posed and did not complain for a second. It was cool. Then we went back to Jon-Michael's, ordered pizza, and watched Game of Thrones.

Monday, I had an early lunch with Mark, who had to go take a cosmetology exam, so I was on my own for a few hours. I went back to Rockefeller Center and did Top of the Rock, took in the views there. It was great. Then I met Mark in Times Square to go to the Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. It was cool. There weren't as many figures as I expected, but the ones we did see were well done (if some a bit outdated culturally to still be featured) and I had a good time. We also went to Chelsea and walked through the Highline. After that we met Jon-Michael for dinner and drinks.

Tuesday, both of the guys had to work, so I ventured out on my own. I had breakfast at Dunkin Donuts, then walked over the Brooklyn Bridge (which took longer than I expected). Once in Brooklyn, I walked around for a while, took the Brooklyn Promenade, and then took the train back into Manhattan. I had decided I was going to try and find the building Bette Midler lives in. The night before I had seen an article online (from a couple years ago) about rooftop gardens, and it listed the address. So I walked around in the area, found somewhere just inside Central Park to use the bathroom, then eventually found the building. There was a bench across the street, so I sat down because my feet were hurting really bad and kind of blistered at this point. I hadn't been sitting there long when I saw Bette go in the building! I didn't know what to do, since I hadn't even been sure she lived there. So I sat outside for a long time, internally freaking out. It's one thing to see a celebrity you love onstage, but to be that close to them just outside in the real world - it's incredible. After a long time, Bette finally came out. I wanted to see where she was going, so I took off in the same direction. I snapped a few picture of her in Central Park, but she quickly went back out and my feet were not in the condition to even try and keep up. I did walk around in her neighborhood a little, hoping I might see her again, but I didn't. I went back to Jon-Michael's from there, because I desperately needed to charge my phone. I changed clothes and then headed back out. I was supposed to meet Mark in Chelsea so he could highlight my hair. That was also a neat experience. I got to go to the salon where he works (Sally Herschberger Downtown), and apparently lots of celebrities get their hair done there, which is cool. I didn't get to see any though. Jon-Michael joined us for a late dinner, and then it was home and to bed.

The next morning, I had to come back. That was an awful day. I took the wrong train to get to Penn Station, and I ended up having to walk like 12 blocks in the rain until I finally found the station I thought was going to lead me right into Penn. It still took me a while to get there. I was supposed to be there thirty minutes before the train boarded, but it ended up being more like ten, and both I and my luggage were pretty wet. I did manage to change pants on the train, which made things a little better, but not much. The whole day was awful. A guy got kicked off the train for being beligerent before we even took off from NY, then later on that day the dude sitting across the aisle from me (I was in a window seat this time, luckily) was getting drunk and hitting on the much-younger lady sitting beside him. My seat mate reported him to the conductor, which really did no good, so I was afraid he was going to get up and deck her or something. The train was 2 1/2 hours late getting back into Cincinnati, and by the time I got to Lexington it was 5:30 in the morning. I called into work the next day because I was just too exhausted (again, I'd probably only slept about four hours on the train).

Even with the taste of the crappy parts of the trip stuck in my mouth, they were so few overall that I can honestly say I had a great time. My two Bette encounters that weekend made everything else worth it. Although I do wish I'd had the nerve to just go up to her in the park, I simply could not do it, and had she been rude or seemed put out by me approaching her, it would have just crushed me. That's a scenario I would not have been able to bear. Maybe the opportunity to be close to her will present itself again - I don't know. Either way, I still cannot believe how incredibly lucky I was.

Big Apple

I'll be going to New York City and seeing my lifetime idol in a play in just over two weeks. It's a little surreal and I'm the most nervous I believe I have ever been.

Big adventure is coming. Finally.

Scared

Have you ever had a crippling fear? Something that terrified you to your very core, and whenever you thought about it, you actually felt physically ill? I try not to be scared of too many things. A woman has to be tough in this society. Sure, I'm afraid of things not happening for me in life. Everybody fears that. But the one thing that is my Achille's Heel is death.

Part of it is because I'm not certain there is a heaven. I've had too many unanswered prayers to trust fully in a higher power. What if life on earth is it, and after we die our souls cease to exist? That's scary enough for me (I'm shaking as I write this), but what if there really is eternity? The idea of forever scares me too. A ceaseless existence? I don't know what to feel or believe, and the fact that I don't know yet scares me too.

Sometimes I'm able to push my fears back, and sometimes they don't even come to mind at all, but when they do, I literally feel like I can't function. I know this is not normal. Will I someday come to terms with dying, or will I, in my final moments, say what Joan Crawford said as her housekeeper prayed over her: "Don't you dare ask Him for help!"

Heard this song last night and felt a little more at ease.

"Melancholy Child"
Pam Tillis
A baby with a baby
Just barely seventeen
My mother mourned her innocence
While she bounced me on her knee

A daddy on the road
Added to her tears and trials
Like silver rain they fell upon
This melancholy child

The sounds of my childhood
Still linger in my song
My mother's lullaby
That train that ran behind our home

A whippoorwill on a window sill
It should have made me smile
But everything sounds lonesome
To a melancholy child

Now a restless blood
Runs in our family
Thought I could outrun
The emptiness inside of me

So I went a little crazy
I went a little wild
Trying to outdistance
My own melancholy child

I met a kind and gentle man
Who thinks the world of me
And when he looks my way
It is a woman that he sees

But when I can't explain to him
The tears that fill my eyes
He takes me in his arms
And rocks his melancholy child

You take a black Irish temper
And some solemn Cherokee
A Southern sense of humor
And you got someone like me

But there are thorns on every rose
To this I'm reconciled
They're just a little sharper
To a melancholy child

And in my own babe's eyes
I see the signs of a melancholy child
Heaven help us all
Another melancholy child

Pinterest Foodie Project: Valentine's Day

Having had the day before Valentine's Day off from work, I decided to spend the day doing a little cooking. I had found a recipe for preparing chicken for chicken tacos and decided to try it out. It involved my crockpot, which was why I waited until my day off (I'm still not comfy with leaving a crockpot on for almost nine hours while I'm at work). I chose to cook the chicken for enchiladas instead of tacos, since tacos would have involved having to buy veggies and I was a little low on money (surprise, surprise). I only used three chicken breasts, so I halved the other ingredients as well. I cooked the chicken on high for about two hours and then low for another two and a half. With about an hour left in cooking time, I added a little enchilada sauce to the chicken. Once the chicken was ready, I basically just used the recipe on the can of enchilada sauce to prep my enchiladas.

The enchiladas were definitely a hearty dish, but came out a little spicier than I expected considering I just used a medium sauce. Also, I chose a red sauce instead of green, as you can likely tell from the above photo.

In celebration of Valentine's Day, I thought dessert was fitting. Naturally, Pinterest had many Valentine's themed desserts. I opted for something I already had ingredients for: brownies! A lot of the recipes I found contained actual chocolate, but I wanted to utilize the cocoa powder I already had. I did have a few chocolate chips leftover from other baking projects, so while the chocolate in the brownies was mostly from the cocoa powder, I did throw the chocolate chips in for extra measure. I also wanted to make the brownies look more...Valentiney, so I made a mixture of powdered sugar, milk, and red food coloring and drizzled it atop the brownies after they came out of the oven. You can find the brownie recipe I used here.

I did have to cook the brownies a little longer than the recipe called for, but that was because I used a smaller dish. (My 9x13 was being used for the enchiladas.) I baked both dishes at the same time and they both got done relatively close to one another, so it worked out well. The brownies were delicious, if not as fudgy as the recipe would have hinted, and after I had a couple for myself, I took them to work and shared the rest with my co-workers. Generous? Yes. But I did it mostly because I'm trying to diet and couldn't have a dozen of brownies lying around the house tempting me.

Pinterest Foodie Project: Tuna with a Kick

Taking a cue from a Martha Stewart recipe I found on Pinterest, I recently tried my own version of a spicy tuna melt by mixing a can of tuna in water with a few teaspoons full of medium salsa.

With the tuna on a piece of wheat bread, I drizzled a generous amount of monterey jack cheese on the top and toasted it in the oven until the cheese had browned. Trying to stay low-cal, I ate my melt with a single dill spear. Delicious!

Pinterest Project: Healthy Pizza

Lately I feel like I've been spending more and more time experimenting with recipes from Pinterest. Over the last several weeks, I have really hit the "get healthy" thing hard. I've had fried food once in the past three weeks, and I've tried to cut down on "treats". In addition to working out, of course. A couple nights ago, I had some chicken tenders defrosting in the refrigerator and couldn't think of anything to do with them. I was searching for things to do with BBQ chicken, as that is a sauce I always have on hand, and found several things including cauliflower. This reminded me of the concept of the cauliflower crust pizza that I had seen recipes for before but never tried. I got it in my head that minute that that is what I would make for dinner. I found this recipe for the crust, and decided on pineapple as additional topping (gotta hit that food pyramid). The only problem: I had no cauliflower. So after I got off work, I headed to Kroger, and went ahead and completed my bi-weekly shopping so I wouldn't have to go back again after payday.

Cut to an hour later, and I'm finally at home with my supplies. I first put my chicken in the oven, slathered in barbecue sauce, so that I could be working on my crust while that was cooking. Let me just warn you if you have never grated cauliflower before: it takes FOREVER. I never use a grater. I never had the reason to own one either, since it's really just recently that I've really gotten into cooking. So, stupid me, I start grating by moving the florets from side to side across the grater. I felt like I was getting nowhere. I mean, I was still going when my chicken was done baking. Then I realized it was more efficient to move the florets up and down, and the grating went much quicker at that point. I only had to have one cup of cauliflower, but it took me about 30 minutes and I had very few florets left at the end. (The recipe I had stated one head of cauliflower should be enough for 3 cups. This is a lie!)

Then it was time to mix the ingredients.

I did not have garlic salt, so I left this out, and I also did not brush the crust with olive oil prior to baking, mostly because I was afraid of using too much and affecting the texture/taste of the final product.

The crust browned around the edges very quickly, but the center was a little sticky, so I left it in for a while longer. I would say in hindsight that my crust probably could have been a little larger, but I was afraid of having thin spots and my sauce falling through. After I felt the crust was well-cooked, I pulled it out of the oven and put a thin layer of barbecue sauce over the crust. I covered the crust with pieces of chicken that I had sort of tried to shred with two forks while my crust was baking. The chicken didn't shred so much as just tear into pieces, but what the hell? As long as the pieces were placed in such a way that I could still cut into the crust, I wasn't worried about it. Then I threw on a little pineapple and topped it off with shredded monterey jack cheese.

The end product was fairly good. I was pleased with my topping combos, although it could have stood to have a little more cheese. The only bad thing was that the whole pizza ended up just being four small slices, three of which I ate right then. (It was an hour and a half past my normal meal time. I was kind of hungry.) The crust tasted mostly like egg, and while I didn't mind it, it was definitely a weird thing to have on the bottom of the pizza when I'm used to having bread products there. I don't regret trying it though, and it is probably something I would make again. But now I know a little better, and hopefully the end result would turn out more appetizing. Maybe I could use a little less egg in the crust and a little more cauliflower? Who knows? It's worth a shot, and I'd definitely recommend the recipe to anyone looking to try a low carb diet.

Reunion Conundrum

Three months ago, the notion of going to my upcoming high school reunion (date TBD) was something that thrilled me to no end. I imagined attending in some curve-hugging, cleavage-bearing dress, and all the guys that never noticed me in high school would notice me now. I'd be charming and hilarious and everyone would think it was wonderful that I got out of town and am so "successful". Last night, the reality of the possibility of a reunion actually came to fruition. I had been added to a Facebook group devoted to planning and discussing the event. As soon as I started reading the posts alluding to our glorious high school days, I was suddenly filled with a bitterness I thought that I had finally come to terms with. But, evidently, being a nobody in high school is something you never really get over. Or, not within ten years of graduation, anyway.

I always thought I was going to end up being better than everyone I graduated with. I had big dreams. But the truth of the matter is, I am the one that's jealous of their paltry accomplishments - the routine things like marriage and children. I am the only one holding myself up to any sort of standard. None of those people care what I have or have not accomplished in my life, and I have to stop kidding myself that they do. I think the reason I have such trouble with it is that, not only do all these people from my past not care what I have done (how I've grown as a person, how I've completely financially supported myself since I was 19, how I am excelling in a field totally unrelated to any of my studies), there is no one in my present to care about these things either. Everything that I do is only for me, yet I still hold myself to some ridiculous standard that has no relevance to anyone but myself.

So now I have a dilemma. Should I attend this reunion, and let all the people that ignored me in high school pretend they have any sort of memories of me, or should I just not go and forget any revenge fantasies that I had?

Post-Christmas Gay Man's Double Feature

Long time no see, Internets. How's it going? Oh, me? I'm doing okay. Obviously I have not stuck to writing as a creative outlet to make me forget about my miserable existence and general aimlessness. I know I said I was going to write more, but when I have a couch and episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia calling my name, I tend to not be so productive any more.

I am on here to write today though, and to write about something I truly truly care about - Bette Midler. That's right, folks! It's movie review time!

I have known about Bette Midler's newest film Parental Guidance since it was in pre-production, so I have been anxiously waiting to see her onscreen again for quite some time. More than a year, as a matter of fact. My original plan, after finding out about Barbra Streisand's new one, The Guilt Trip, was to do a double feature on Christmas Day. My family from Texas decided to come in for the holidays, so that changed my plans a little bit. Yesterday, though, is going on the books as one of the greatest days in recent history for me. I did Parental Guidance at 7:35 and The Guilt Trip at 9:35, giving me just enough time to make a bathroom stop before the previews for the second film started. I was giddy, trying not to anxiously tap my feet or randomly shout out yips like an excited puppy. Maintaining my cool was difficult. (In fact, this whole year has been spectacular film-wise for me. Shirley MacLaine had Bernie, Meryl Streep had Hope Springs, and Susan Sarandon had a couple of supporting roles. Since all five of these women are my imaginary lovers - Streisand to a lesser degree than the others - I have been pretty stoked about cinema this year.) So, without further ado in regards to my...weirdness...I present you with my opinions on my Most Anticipated Films of 2012.

Billy Crystal is a funny guy that tries really, really hard to be funny. Sometimes too hard. That was obvious in Parental Guidance. Some of his jokes fell flat or felt awkwardly placed (no one always has a witty retort to lighten the mood during emotional times), and as someone who has tried for years to escape their family's obsession with baseball, the fact that Crystal's character was so wrapped up in the game sort of put me off. Marisa Tomei was great as the neurotic mom, and there was a really funny role-playing thing between her and Tom Everett Scott that contained just the right amount of weird to work. Bailee Madison is a pretty fantastic little actress and Kyle Breitkopf was utterly charming, even at his brattiest. Joshua Rush, as the middle grandchild, was all kinds of adorable, even with his obviously fake stuttering. Bette was severely underused. It was obvious her character was the knockabout, the one always either striving to please her daughter or struggling to get her husband to notice her. Other than the mention of her having been a weather girl when she was younger, you don't really learn much about her character. She had one scene where she cried (like you could keep me from crying while I'm watching her well up) and another where she sang (again, giddy here), and I thought she looked just great. I really enjoyed the movie and could have easily watched it twice back to back. My only complaints were really about the lack of good lines for Bette and the fact that the movie felt a little rushed. There was little room for character development, and too much focus on Crystal as the reluctant grandfather instead of focus on the grandmother who really wanted desperately to be more involved in her grandchildren's lives. But the movie had just the right amount of schmaltz to work for me, and I would definitely recommend it as a rainy day flick.

I could tell from the previews I was going to enjoy The Guilt Trip. I love Seth Rogen and everything that he does due to my crush on his 'fro. Right from the start, the movie had me laughing. The dialogue was genuinely funny, not just chuckle-worthy, and Rogen's character is so awkward that you can't help but grin as he fumbles to look like a respectable businessman. Streisand looks phenomenal, with just the right amount of frump thrown in to make you forget you're watching perfectionist and world-renowned singer and class act Barbra Streisand. Obviously, most of the film is devoted to mother-son bonding due to the road trip theme, but there is also a little time to show off Rogen's character as this brilliant scientist/inventor and develop a love interest storyline for Streisand. There is also one incredibly well-done scene where mother and son butt heads due to being completely fed up with one another. (The film's one use of the f-word gets to be utilized by Streisand, and it was AWESOME.) There's a sweet little twist near the end, and the movie leaves you feeling like both characters (fully developed, flawed characters) have grown due to their excursion. Personally, I could not get over how flawless Streisand looked. Her hips have widened and she's added a little weight with her age, but with her hooked nose and slightly crossed eyes, she is just perfectly imperfect. Her hair is softer around the edges, curving nicely toward her face versus the angular bob that has been her signature look for the past twenty years. Age has treated her very well, and the over-protective Jewish mother thing doesn't seem contrived with her. This movie was worth the 15-year wait since her last major role. Brava.

Pinterest Project: Muffins!

I love muffins of pretty much any kind. I had some bananas that were blackening rather rapidly, so I decided to hold on to them and find a banana muffin recipe. I looked at several recipes through Pinterest and pretty quickly I found one that seemed simple and didn't require a lot of work so I decided to go with that one.

Here's the recipe.

Unfortunately, I discovered after I already started to mix the ingredients that I had no flour or cinnamon. Fortunately, I live a quarter of a mile from Kroger, so I left the pre-heating oven on and covered my bowl so the cat wouldn't get into it, and went and picked up the remaining ingredients. Now, I tend to like my bananas a little riper than the next person. In fact, I have scolded co-workers upon finding perfectly good-looking bananas in the trash. So the fact that you are supposed to put fairly ripe bananas into banana bread recipes excited me just a little. I only had two bananas left from my recent grocery trip (prior to the emergency Kroger run), so I decided to halve the recipe so I wouldn't risk my muffins not being banana-y enough. That also kept me from eating a dozen muffins in three days. The other half banana I had left made for a nice little pre-baking snack.

Now, I also didn't have any nuts, so I decided to put a sweet little twist on my muffins. While they were still piping hot and just out of the oven, I melted a piece from a Hershey bar I had in my cabinet and drizzled it on the tops of the muffins. Mmmm. Nothing better than chocolate and banana, right?

I have to say, they were quite good. I may use this recipe more often. I mean, it's always nice when I don't make a complete mess or destroy a household appliance while cooking.



Pinterest Project: Epic Foodie Fail

Fall is here, which means all I want to do is cuddle up on the couch, drink hot tea, eat soup, and never leave my house. Out of all the soup recipes I have found on Pinterest lately, the one I thought sounded the simplest to prepare was a roasted cauliflower and white cheddar soup. The recipe I worked with can be found here.

I had to purchase most of the ingredients specifically for the soup, as I don't keep my pantry stocked for occasions like this at all. I went out of my way to travel to Whole Foods for the aged white cheddar (two different Krogers did not have ANY aged cheeses in their deli department). I bought bakery-prepared bread to dip in the soup. Prep started out pretty normal for me. I had slight difficulty with the onion chopping, as always, although I didn't tear up terribly bad. My house did smell like onions until I took out the trash a couple days later, and in fact my cutting board still reeks, but that will eventually dissipate. Also, when it came time to shred the cheese, I basically just had to shave it, as I do not own a grater and wasn't about to buy one just for one recipe.

Everything went fairly smoothly as I began cooking the soup mixture. It smelled amazing.

Now, this is where the project went wrong. I managed to pour the steaming hot soup into my blender without spilling much. Maybe I should have done this blender thing differently. After all, the recipe does mention something about a stick blender (I have no idea what that is.) I turned the blender on and immediately the lid buckled and some liquid escaped. Okay, no big deal. I turned off the blender and readjusted the lid and tried again, this time placing a towel over the lid to absorb any liquid that might get out. I turned the blender on and soup sprayed EVERYWHERE. It wasn't until the blender was off and I had lifted the towel that I realized why. The cap portion of the lid had fallen all the way through the center and into the blender. I unplugged the blender and poured everything back into the pot. This is what the cap looked like when I fished it out of the soup.

I went ahead and added the cheese and milk to the soup mixture and fished out the plastic I could find, but unfortunately, when I tried to eat a small bowl of the soup I still found several shavings. I decided it wasn't worth the digging and just tossed the soup after letting it cool. I was very disappointed in the inability of my blender (which I rarely use) to hold up under pressure. I have yet to decide whether I will try this recipe again. The most disappointing part of this whole thing was the money I spent on the cheese alone. I can always use cheese, I suppose. I just never thought I would spend so much money on a recipe only to have to throw it out. All the ingredients I had to purchase only came out to $7 or $8, but still, I might as well have eaten one meal out instead of pouring four servings worth of soup into the trash.

If you try this recipe, proceed with caution. Might I suggest a food processor for pureeing instead of a standard blender.

presented without comment

"Hello in There"
written and originally recorded by John Prine

We had an apartment in the city.
Me and my husband liked living there.
It's been years since the kids have grown,
a life of their own, left us alone.

John and Linda live in Omaha.
Joe is somewhere on the road.
We lost Davy in the Korean war.
I still don't know what for, don't matter any more.

You know that old trees just grow stronger,
and old rivers grow wilder every day,
but old people, they just grow lonesome
waiting for someone to say,
"Hello in there. Hello"

Me and my husband, we don't talk much anymore.
He sits and stares through the backdoor screen.
And all the news just repeats itself
like some forgotten dream
that we've both seen.

Someday I'll go and call up Judy.
We worked together at the factory.
Ah, but what would I say when she asks what's new?
Say, "Nothing, what's with you?
Nothing much to do."

You know that old trees just grow stronger,
and old rivers grow wilder every day,
ah, but, but old people, they just grow lonesome
waiting for someone to say,
"Hello in There. Hello."

So if you're walking down the street sometime
and you should spot some hollow ancient eyes,
don't you pass them by and stare
as if you didn't care.
Say, "Hello in there. Hello."

Wow. I knew it had been a while since I posted, but I didn't realize it had been like six weeks.

I haven't been doing much writing lately, or working out, or experimenting with recipes from Pinterest. I haven't done a lot of anything at all, to be honest. My evenings are mostly spent lying on the couch in front of my TV after work. I had been feeling depressed and fat, and just generally unmotivated. I've also had some money stresses lately, so things have been very dull in my life. But I'm working on it. I've been trying to adjust my attitude at work. There have been a lot of changes that haven't necessarily been great, so I've been coping with that. I traded in my wrecked Corolla for a newer one, only to discover the registration on the original one had been cancelled and I owed $700 in taxes on it as well, since when I financed it back in the spring, the bank failed to tack on any sales tax. I was fit to be tied over that for several weeks, but it's basically all been straightened out at this point and I've managed to move on. I've been trying to get back into a workout routine again over the last two weeks, but with winter approaching, I question whether my motivation will hold up. This is how the slacking off started last winter. I just didn't want to leave my warm apartment to go exercise, so I stored up some fat over the winter and just never really got back into the habit.

The babies are turning one here soon, so I have birthday planning to look forward to, which will naturally be offset by the horror that is Christmas. But it will be fun, with them having their first real Christmas and watching them open gifts.

I want to say I'll try to blog more, but I don't want to do it without anything to say, so I'll save my next entry for something exciting, if anything exciting ever happens to me again.

Makeshift Foodie Project

This week I also decided to try to make some onion rings, as I had purchased an onion at the grocery for the pizza casserole but opted not to use it once I re-worked the recipe. I've used eggs in the past to help coat things, so I thought a little flour seasoned with salt and pepper would coat the onions sufficiently.

I hate cutting onions. I worked at a ballpark concession stand one summer and had to cut onions almost every day. I could never do it without my eyes burning immensely, so I thought this time I'd try some no-cry tips for cutting onions. I used the overhead fan on my oven, burned a candle next to the cutting board to help absorb some of the fumes, and I also rinsed the onion multiple times in hot water while slicing it. I did all this while breathing through my mouth instead of my nose. I still had some tears and burning in my eyes by the end, although it wasn't near the experience I usually have. I tried. The real problem I ran into was my laziness. I only wanted to have to put the rings in the oven one time, so I cooked multiple rings together until my tray was full. See?

This turned out to be not such a great idea. The rings in the center of larger rings didn't get brown enough, while the thinner ones were dangerously close to burning by the time I was done. I think I had the oven on 425 still, as I did these the same day I cooked the potato. I may have bumped it down to 400. Here's the finished product:

The onions themselves were done enough, so I had no problems there. However, I would not recommend coating with mere flour. All I could taste was onion and flour. They didn't have that great crispy taste that fried restaurant rings tend to have. They certainly weren't terrible, but they could have been far better. If I attempt this again, I will certainly try with a different coating or batter.

Pinterest Project: More Foodie Ventures

I mentioned my newfound fascination with Pinterest in my last post. I've found several recipes on there, but there are a lot I haven't tried due to the fact that I'm only one person, and cooking for one is a bitch. It's easy to make casseroles and large dishes, but I have to eat on them for so long that by the time I'm done, I am so sick of whatever I prepared that I won't eat it again for months. This happened last week with the dish I posted about, the pizza casserole. It was delicious, but by the second day of eating two meals worth of this, I was over it. Fortunately, I was able to share a serving with a friend of mine who thoroughly complimented me.

I also mentioned last time that I was looking for avocado recipes. I decided to go with an avocado-banana smoothie recipe that I found online. This was decent, but it was a little too thick and a little too heavy on the banana flavor for my taste, so I'm still looking to expand on this avocado trend.

One foodie project I tried this past week was one I had spotted a while ago but just hadn't attempted yet. Another was one I stumbled upon and tried almost immediately after discovering. The first was a twist on the baked potato. Here's the photo:

The instructions were to cut thin slices in a whole potato, almost all the way through but not quite. (As you can see, the one in the picture also contains chives.) Drizzle with olive oil, season with salt and pepper, sprinkle some parmesan on top, and bake at 425 for 45 minutes. I had a pretty simple time cutting through the potato.

I didn't have any parmesan, so I decided to use some shredded mozarella I had left over from the pizza casserole. Knowing how cheese behaves in the oven, I waited until the potato was almost done before throwing some mozarella on there. It still browned a little more than I intended, but it tasted fine. I didn't have to leave the potato in for but about 35 minutes. It came out like this:

The next thing I tried was a "mug cake", which in this instance was more like a mug cookie. It was ingredients for a single chocolate chip cookie dough cake mixed in a coffee mug and cooked in the microwave. It only took a minute, minute and a half and the clean-up was amazing.

Click here for the link. As you can see, I did not use chocolate chips, but I did have part of a dark chocolate bar on hand, so I broke that up into small pieces and used that instead of the chips.

Ta-da! All that was left was to top with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and I was good to go.

The first few bites while the cookie was still warm were quite delicious. I'm not sure if the ice cream softened it up or what, but once I got further down the cookie/cake was just too spongy and chewy for my taste, so I threw the rest of it out. But I was proud of myself for having the gumption to try something like this. And all in all, it was another successful foodie project - successful as in it didn't catch fire or taste like shit.

Pinterest Project: Casserole Success

I have become addicted to Pinterest, like many others that I know, but for me it's mainly because I like seeing what other people are into. If I happen to find something of interest to me, that's just an added bonus. I embarked on a bit of a home improvement project a little over a month ago and took some ideas from Pinterest. Some turned out (invisible bookshelves), others did not (dyeing mason jars). Now I'm focusing on recipes. Cooking for one gets a little mundane, as I tired easily of eating chicken and vegetables five or six days out of the week.

Sunday night I took a 3-Meat Pizza Casserole recipe and adapted it a little bit. Here's the original recipe.

It supposedly turned out like this:

I did not use any meat aside from the pepperoni, and I also decided to forgo the vegetables as well. Not that I'm against vegetables. It's just that too much cheese, onions, and garlic together...let's just say it doesn't end well. So my "casserole" was more like baked pasta with pepperoni, but it is pretty delicious. Here's what mine turned out like:

I have eaten four meals out of this already, and still have probably two servings left. The only problem is that I have WAY more pepperoni than one person can ever need, so let's hope it's a while before that stuff goes bad, or I will be throwing like six bucks down the drain.

If anybody has any recipe suggestions, please send them my way. I'm currently trying to find something to do with an avocado, aside from just putting it in my salad.

Writing Update

I said I was going to make myself write, and I've really been doing it. I have about 5600 words - 10% of the way to an acceptable novel length! Woot! And I'm trying to look at the positives too, aren't you proud of me? 10% finished rather than 90% left to go. For some reason, the story that I have now is just flowing out of me like crazy. In fact, I've written a lot of it by hand and typed it up later after I got to a computer. I'm not ready to reveal any information, because the story is not cohesive at all yet. But I have a lot of it sort of mapped out in my head. I just have to get everything in the right order. Right now, the story consists of several vignettes that I will weave together once I get the main plot points written up. They say to write what you know, and I guess there's a part of me in each of my protagonists, but I think this time is a little different. My protagonist is female, but she's married, eventually with children, and she is all about being a housewife. I mean, she loves it. Probably part of me wants those things, but that life isn't what I know at all, so that's a step in the right direction, I think. Most of the time, my "heroines" are post-college moaners, but I feel like this time I've moved on to a character with a real problem, rather than one that goes through life all "woe is me" all the time.

I have trouble with linear thinking, so that's why I've ended up just working up the story in chunks. It allows me to get to the issues, and then I can add in the filler (description of appearances, locations, that sort of thing) later. Plus, that makes it easier when it comes time to decide if I'm having a straight beginning to end story, or if I want to work in flashbacks, or if it's going to be a story with the end as the beginning, and then going back and building up the backstory.

I know I'm not the kind of writer that's going to end up with a Pulitzer some day, but if I can churn out one decent story that people want to read, that would make me really happy.

Triple Feature Movie Review

With the recent re-emergence of Burns and Allen in my life, I decided to order myself an early birthday present and get some B&A merchandise I've had my eye on for quite some time. One of these is a triple feature DVD of Burns & Allen films. (If I could find all of their early film shorts on DVD, I think I would literally shit myself.) Since I've decided to write more, I will occasionally do book, movie, or album reviews here to build my repertoire. I used to do a weekly feature on a music forum I frequented, but I haven't been on there for years and I would love to start doing reviews again.

The first film on this triple feature DVD is a movie called Here Comes Cookie from 1935. Gracie plays the ditsy daughter of a very rich man who decides that in order to protect his fortune from a gold-digger that is courting his other daughter, he must sign his money over to Gracie. Mr. Allen agrees to let Phyllis marry this suitor if, with falsely generated word that Mr. Allen has gone broke, he sticks by her side despite Daddy no longer being a possible meal ticket. Things begin innocently enough, with Gracie deciding to assist with the homelessness problem in New York by offering free room and board to unemployed actors (who apparently consisted of the majority of the city's homeless population at the time). Gracie instructs the butler to start cutting up their clothes in order to make them look like vagrants. Hearing about the new financial arrangement, her sister Phyllis's beau decides to pursue Gracie, sending a fortune teller to set up their meeting by telling her when, where, and how she will meet the man of her dreams. Meanwhile, her father finally enjoying his retirement in North Carolina on mere pennies a day, until Phyllis arrives to reveal Gracie's inanities and urge him to return home. When they arrive, Gracie has had the home reconstructed into a theater to put on a show with her new actor friends, at the insistence of her new fiancé, who has concocted the theatrical production as a means of embezzling the money without having to actually marry either daughter. The play is a riotous disaster, and this leads to the swift but pleasant ending. The suitor and his accomplice get locked in the box office, while Gracie gets offered a job as a movie producer. Cops get thieving suitor; Pops gets his piece of mind back by getting his wacko daughter out of his hair. Cue credits.

The movie is full of Vaudeville acts, ones that are unrecognized today but I'm sure would have been known by audiences at the time. (Many of them go uncredited as well.) George Burns is on hand to be befuddled by Gracie's antics as her father's legal advisor. Gracie is a delight through and through. She's thin and bright-eyed, and you can't keep your eyes off of her. She's quite agile as well, performing a cute little Latin-inspired song and dance number during the show within a show. Her voice is airy and lilting, and she appears as light as air on her feet. The movie contains a few pratfalls as well. It's is entertaining but very brief, and it feels more like a showcase for Gracie's talents than a movie with an actual plotline.

Film number two is a road trip comedy called Six of a Kind, also starring Charlie Ruggles, Mary Boland, and W.C. Fields. The Whinneys are about to set off on a cross-country trip to celebrate their twentieth wedding anniversary. The wife decides to take out an ad in the paper offering to share the ride with another couple in an attempt to save money. George and Gracie answer the ad, much to the chagrin of the husband. They take off for California with Gracie's Great Dane in tow. Calamity ensues. The older couple's plans for a second honeymoon are further thwarted when, finding out George and Gracie aren't married, they don't even get to share a room together on their trip. In the meantime, a bank co-worker of Mr. Whinney's stays in hot pursuit of the foursome. It seems he decided to embezzle $50,000 from the bank and pin it on Whinney, thinking he could place the money in Whinney's suitcase and retrieve the money from them along the way. Finally catching up to them in Nevada, the embezzler gets caught by the local sheriff (Fields), who is tricked into thinking the embezzler is actually the embezzled. Detectives, who became aware of the Whinneys whereabouts when the couple ran out of cash and wired the bank for cash from the road, show up and the whole crazy scheme is revealed.

This film is another one with a speedy resolution, but the laughs along the way are worth it. Ruggles (who I instantly recognized) and Boland make a great little team, and the patter between George and Gracie is brilliant, as always. "You have an aunt that sees with her mouth?" "Yeah, she sees if her soup is cold." W.C. Fields doesn't show up until halfway through the movie, but he has a gut-busting scene involving a pool cue that he just can't seem to shoot straight. He also has a few funny zingers, including, "I'm as busy as a pickpocket at a nudist colony." This feature also has a nice special feature. It includes the original trailer!

The final movie in the set (Love in Bloom) features Dixie Lee (Mrs. Bing Crosby) and Joe Morrison in the lead roles. A young girl whose family are carnival people decides she's had enough and runs away. Starting over in the big city, she meets an aspiring songwriter. They both get a job working at a music store, where they fall in love and decide to get married. George plays Dixie's brother, who brings his wife Gracie along in search of little sis. Their alcoholic pop has landed himself in jail again, and they need sis to bail him out. Unfortunately, once he's out of jail, Dad's mission is to bring his beloved daughter back home. She refuses at first, but when her father inadvertently crashes the wrong wedding while stone-cold drunk, she decides to go with him to save herself from further embarrassment. As the carnival travels the world, our budding songwriter finally gets published. Dad decides to let his daughter have her freedom after all, after acquiring a new business partner from New York, which turns out to be our songwriter. He basically paid for his lover's "freedom", but hey, the young-in-love couple gets to be together in the end and that's all that matters.

During an early scene, Gracie sings a little number called "Here Comes Cookie" (seems misplaced, huh?) while George stuffs cotton in his ears. This is reminiscent of one of their later running gags on their radio show where George randomly breaks out in song with great protestation from everyone around him (except Gracie). Aside from this, Gracie and George are onscreen for less than 1/3 of the movie. Lee and Morrison are decent enough actors and both have pleasant singing voices. On its own, the movie is fairly good, but the billing is misleading as this is not a Burns-Allen vehicle. Enjoyable enough, though.

For all three films, I'd give four out of five stars. One succeeds where the others fail, and for me, the presence of Burns & Allen made it worth the price of the disc.

This is me.

Many people would say that the end of the world is near. There are too many abominations, too many sins, for our world to survive much longer. Christians like to quote the book of Revelation to support this. But as someone who is constantly questioning the meaning of her existence, I think that our world is slowly making baby steps toward having the Promised Land right here on Earth. The oppressions that have existed for decades or even centuries feel like they are slowly being lifted.

For much of my life, I have felt like an outcast. There were times in my life when I was bullied by classmates for not being like them. The effect that had on my self-esteem has been incredibly difficult to overcome. In fact, it's something I still grapple with. I realize that the oppression I feel because of merely being different does not even come close to what gays or non-whites feel on a daily basis. Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about this. I have spent much effort for most of my life concealing part of who I am to avoid judgment. It's tiring, constantly guarding what you say or do in front of certain people, all because you're afraid of what they might think. How much harder can someone make your life than you already are yourself just by being secretive? And how much affect do you have on the every day lives of other people that it necessitates your being so concerned about their opinions?

People's true colors come to light when scandal arises. The recent hoopla around Chick-fil-A has proven that. On Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, my Facebook news feed blew up with posts about people being so proud to support Chick-fil-A, or about how they would never eat there again because of the company's blatant anti-gay stance. Since when does the food we put in our bellies show our allegiance to political or social causes?

If you ever read my blog, you may or may not know anything about me. Even though this blog is about my feelings, I am not always totally open. In fact, I have realized recently that there are only two people in this world that I feel TRULY know me, 100%, and this makes me really sad. What is so bad about myself that I am afraid to be fully me? And if I feel this bottled up, how does someone gay and closeted even make it through the day?

Let me be blunt then. Here are some things about me: I curse like a sailor. I drink alcohol often. I've had the dreaded pre-marital sex. I support gay rights. I believe that abortion should be a woman's choice. I believe that people's religious beliefs and sexual orientation are not anybody's else's business. I believe that churches should not interfere with federal or state laws. I believe that marijuana should be legalized. I believe that it's acceptable to live with someone without being married. I am afraid of dying. I hate going to church because I feel like the people there are trying to suffocate me. I think that people who interpret the Bible literally are idiots. I will never be happy because my life will never be good enough for me. I thank God every day that I left my hometown, because as unhappy as I can still be living where I am now, if I had stayed I wouldn't have survived. I'm still not sure if I believe in God. The times I feel most alive are when I'm driving in my car singing at the top of my lungs. I hate being around my extended family, because none of them know anything about me, and they would hate me if they did. My mother buys me Christian literature that I never even open. I want to be famous because I want people to remember me; I don't want to be one of those people that fades out of existence. I hate when people ask me if I've "met any nice boys" or if I "have a sweetheart"; I'm in my late twenties and this isn't 1953, just ask me if I'm fucking anybody. I don't like dogs because they're needy. If the draft is ever reinstated and women are eligible, I will go get pregnant just to dodge the draft. I literally go pscyho when I'm on my period, and I wonder if I'm clinically depressed.

If you want to know anything else, ask. I'm ready to be an open book, and I don't give a shit who reads it.