Tomorrow may be even brighter than today.

Wow, I have been writing less and less, haven't I? Well, to be honest, there hasn't been much to write about. For a while now, I've felt like I'm just existing. The only purpose to my life has been earning money to pay off my debts, and I can't get that done quickly enough to suit me. I am loathe to think that this is what the rest of my life will be like: being a workhorse with no greater purpose. I pour out love quite abundantly and give so much of myself to things that don't even matter. In return, I feel I get nothing but worry and stress. I am far too young to think of my life as going nowhere, but that is precisely how I feel.

I do have something to write about today, though. When I was a senior in high school, I became interested in George Burns and Gracie Allen, partly thanks to reading this book penned by George called "Gracie: A Love Story". Thanks to purchasing an antenna (after four years without cable or internet) and picking up a classics channel, I have rediscovered Burns & Allen. Obviously, I didn't forget them. Who could? But this station brought them to the forefront of my mind, and I have been brought such happiness because of this.

George and Gracie were beautiful, talented people, but the reason I love them so much is because they so loved each other. I always have these running fantasies about couples. I ask, "What if Lucy and Desi's relationship wasn't so volatile and they had stayed together?" "Lindsey and Stevie still love each other. They should be together." George and Gracie though, they stayed together. In fact, George never remarried after Gracie died. And one of the best parts for me? In the aforementioned book, he states that the first night he made love to Gracie was the best night of his life. He actually changed "had sex" to "made love" to more accurately describe it. He was about 90 when he wrote this. Over 20 years after her death, and he still remembered that night. God. Isn't that one of the most romantic things you've ever heard? They were so amazing.

I am being a total geek over this. It's sad.

I go through spells where I just hate getting up and going to work in the mornings. Lately, this spell has been coupled with another: I don't want to be at home.

Maybe it's that spring is in the air and that makes me want to get out and about, but the more likely reason is that I am so sick of trying to amuse myself. I'm probably suffering from depression. I do seem to feel discontent a lot of the time. Is it something wrong with me though, or just wrong with my situation? I lack motivation to do much of anything. I don't feel like working out, I don't feel like going anywhere, I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like laying on the couch either, but that's what I end up doing because there's nothing else I'd rather do either. I don't know what to do. I need some sort of pick-me-up. But where do I find it?

I hate my life.

Lately I've been in sort of a funk.

Seems like I say that a lot these days.

Anyway, the funk. I have been feeling, well, a lot of things, but alone and useless mostly. I don't suppose useless is the right word. I just feel like I am just another fish in the great blue ocean of life and that no matter how hard I swim I am just stuck there. Sometimes the water is murky and shallow, and other times it's breathtaking, but still there I am, floating around with no other hope in life. I used to have big dreams for myself, but fear and reality have shoved those dreams into a suitcase in my figurative attic. (I say figurative only because I don't have an actual attic.) So this funk causes not only a lot of depression for me about how little I have accomplished in my life, but it also causes quite a bit of general agitation with my situation and even people around me. I get up, work out (new thing I just started), shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV/play PS2, go to bed, and start the same cycle the next day. On days that I don't have the exact same cycle, usually the only difference is a trip to the grocery store or the lack of work. I need some adventure and excitement in my life or else I may just implode. Every now and then there are small bright spots, like hanging out with friends for a few hours instead of being home on the couch, or spending a little non-crazy time with my family. But those bright spots are so few and far between that the depression doesn't go away, it just fades.

I think I need to get away for a day. My plan is to take a day trip somewhere on Saturday just to do something different and get my mind off of things. But right now I can't decide where I want to go. I just need to do something to remind me that I'm more than just a girl in a cubicle with only a cat waiting for me at home. Hopefully a little trip will help.

I'm a broke-ass bitch.

I still have a defunct power cord at home, so no laptop usage for me. Back to the good ole public library.

I've been working on my tax stuff and am very disappointed to only be receiving $220. I made more than I ever have last year, pushing me up into a new tax bracket, apparently, because I'm not getting shit. I made $7000 more in '08 than '07, and last time I got back $850. It makes absolutely no fucking sense to me. Worst of all though, this kills all of my dreams of possibly seeing Bette Midler this year. I'm already broke all the time, plus I just spent $250 getting my car fixed. I was relying on a solid tax return to send me to Las Vegas, but alas, no. I never get what I want.

So I have decided it is time to turn to the gods of celebrity for help. I'm considering even going to YouTube for this if I have to, but look out here in the next little bit for an open letter to Ellen DeGeneres.

Oh, and I finally got my car back last Wednesday. Yay!

No car for you! Come back one week!

One week later and my car is still being repaired. Last I heard (on Friday), they didn't even have the goddamn parts in. I want my car...NOW. I hate driving my mom's car. Not that it's that bad or anything, I just hate driving other peoples' cars. It's so awkward.

I watched the Super Bowl last night and was actually pretty impressed. That interception at the Arizona end zone that turned into a touchdown for Pittsburgh? Amazing. I wish I could remember that guy's name. He's going to be in sports history books for quite a long time.

There was something else, other than stuff about my car, that I was wanting to update on, but I have totally forgotten now that I am actually here in front of the computer.

Oh yeah! I remember! My fucking laptop isn't working! So I am currently updating from the public library. Yeah. Something's wrong with my AC power cord and it won't work. My computer's already dead, so it's just been sitting sadly in my room for the past week and a half, unable to be used. I would buy another power cord, but since that would run me at least a hundred dollars, it's going to have to wait. Why does everything always go wrong at the same time?