It may take a long time, but it gets better.

I haven't actually watched any of the "It Gets Better" videos. I should. But now that I don't have Flash on my work computer and am very rarely online anywhere else, I just haven't made the time. I think these videos are a great idea, and it's sad that so many young people had to take their own lives for the world to take notice.

I just read Patton Oswalt's "It Gets Better" blog. What he said really resonated with me, mainly because I have been on both sides of the fence, just as he was. I really don't like to talk about the hot button issues in most cases. I'm not very eloquent, and I am led completely by emotion, so I tend to get heated or upset when I talk about things that I feel any sort of passion for. But bullying is something that really strikes a chord with me. It's something that has followed me as long as I can remember.

My life was pretty normal until about the age of 9. I had endured slight teasing from relatives as a child (their way of showing that they "cared"), but I had a happy childhood up until that point. Then my uncle died in a car accident and everything changed. Mainly, I see my life as two parts at this point: before Ace died, and after. After he died, I changed because everything around me changed. Fifth grade was just awkward. I got glasses, I was going through a lot of physical changes, and I was trying to fit in at school as well as dealing with my family's massive grief. When I went to sixth grade, I made a lot of new friends. But I was hanging out with people who did things I didn't do: curse, smoke, do drugs, have sex. I felt really out of place. I learned how to use my words at that point. Most of the words I used were to make me sound tougher, saltier. I became acquainted with one of my dearest friends to this day, sarcasm, and I threw around curse words like nobody's business. Boys started paying attention to me at that point. Or maybe it was I who started paying attention to them. I often used sarcasm, and still do, as a defense mechanism. I'm sure at some point I hurt someone else by doing this, because I used my sarcasm to deflect the insults of others. My avoidance of pain likely caused some pain of its own.

Middle school was when things started to get harder. I was playing sports and trying to do things to make me seem cooler, but on the inside I was completely insecure. Some of the people I befriended used me. They saw how sweet and naive I was and would be my friend when it was convenient for them, then run and talk about me behind my back (this I found out after the fact). Our lockers were arranged by grade, then alphabetically, so I was privileged to be in the presence of someone who made my life miserable for two years. Ben insulted me because he liked me, but I took it all to heart. He called me Big Riggs (which in retrospect is hilarious because he was probably three times my size, though I was smaller then), he would close my locker while I was trying to get in it; he would run up behind me after math class and kick me in the ass, then run away laughing. I hated him. One morning at our lockers he harassed me so heavily that I broke down into tears and slapped him to get him to go away.

Middle school was also when my unique interests began to blossom. I had always been into pop culture, especially classic film and television, for as long as I could remember. It all grew out of the influences of my parents' interests, but my interests took on a life of their own. By freshman year of high school, I was a full-blown weirdsmobile. (I spent lunches my eighth grade year discussing the virtues of Bette Midler and Meryl Streep, and talked a friend of mine into taking home the new Bette Midler album Bathhouse Betty, which she called weird.) One of my main torturers in high school was someone that was in my circle of friends, a highly intelligent girl who had no ambition or drive, and was still struggling through community college last I heard. Meghann and I were in choir together, both first sopranos so we were around each other a lot, especially our freshman and sophomore years. She confided her sexual exploits in me (and probably anyone who would listen, honestly), and I thought she was my friend. But she insulted me constantly, and also insulted celebrities I had an affinity for just because she knew it bothered me. Sometimes even one of my best friends would jump in on this one. Meghann would throw out these insults and then laugh about it right in front of my face. I had never done anything to her to deserve this treatment. Even though I thought she was a disgusting fat pig with no moral standards, I respected her enough to let her live her life the way she chose without ever offering my own commentary or advice. Meghann made me feel awful about myself. I was worse than dirt to her. And when my friends were around her, she rubbed off on them, and they worked to make me feel like shit too. Although it was my quirks that people mocked me for, the humiliation I felt only made me seclude myself more.

Thankfully, it was life after high school that freed me. I had a few saving graces in high school (my tried and true friend Jade, who has always been there for me; chorus; Mrs. Vivian Elder, my senior English teacher, who was the first adult to treat me with the respect of a peer and to show me that my opinions had value), but it was being out in the adult world that really allowed me to be myself unabashedly. I got a job, where I was surrounded by women of different ages who all valued me, and I them. I was accepted into the University of Kentucky and moved to Lexington, which was like starting life all over again. And each year of my life since high school has been better and better. I've met so many wonderful people who not only accept me for who I am, but embrace my strangeness. Some have even liked me more simply because of my uniqueness, which is something I only dreamed of in high school. Although I am still plagued by insecurities I developed growing up, I have changed considerably, and I know that with each year I become more confident in my own abilities.

Life is only what you make it. Things get better if you let them. There are people out there who will love you for who you are. It may take a while to find them, but they're out there. Self-expression is so important to maintain your sanity. Find something that you can find joy in, and if that's the only thing you have, cling to it. Youth is all about survival, and if you can make it out with your sanity, no matter how you have to maintain it, then that's what's important. The rest will follow.

Bette. HBO. Heaven.

Sorry to cut the last post kind of short. While I was in the midst of trying to make that post, I found out some fucking outstanding news, so it distracted me from my money woes. Not a bad thing, right?

Ever since Bette Midler opened her show in Las Vegas, The Showgirl Must Go On, in February of 2008, all of her fans were wondering if/when this show was coming to DVD. After all, Bette's last live DVD was from 1993's Experience the Divine tour (which is only available in Region 2, boo). While it has been said before that the DVD is not happening, Bette announced on Martha Stewart's TV show today that HBO will be airing a Showgirl concert special on New Year's Eve. This is great news, because Bette's HBO specials in the past have always been released on some form of visual media (usually video, which was ages ago). I am ecstatic over this. I was not able to go see Showgirl in person, so this is my chance to see it finally! The only news I could receive that would be better than this would be that Bette's 2000 sitcom was being released on DVD. Now if that ever happens, I think I will literally keel over.

I hate hate hate money.

Ladies and germs, it's that time of year again. Time for Lora to be stressed out over money! Wheeeeeee! This is when a real-life Karen Walker would come in handy. I could be her little Jackie. And yes, I would perform sexual favors for Karen in exchange for her being my sugar momma.

I decided I needed a new wardrobe, so I've been working on that. Then, I bought Lady Gaga tickets. And I'm going to Chicago this weekend. None of these things can I actually afford. So most of it I'm paying for on credit and paying back. But paying it back is the issue anyway. I doubt I'll get a Christmas bonus because business has not been good for us this year. Starting next month I have to pay $5 extra on rent, plus with the cold weather coming (eventually, I guess) my electric bill will be way higher than it has been. Right now I'm just praying for a raise. I should have nothing to worry about there, but what if they decide not to give raises this year? I'm screwed. Our insurance premiums already went up, and it wasn't that much but I'm making like $3.50 less each month, which doesn't help with my increased rent. I get this way a couple times a year, but to be honest, if I made more money, I would just spend more money.

Bootleg Betty, how I will miss thee.

This article makes me incredibly sad:

http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2010/sep/25/lawyers-argue-r-j-stories-web-arent-protected-copy/

Copyright infrigement is bullshit, as far as I'm concerned. The purpose of the internet is for information sharing, so as long as someone isn't trying to pass off a story as their own, then what harm is being done? Due to what you read in this article, my favorite website, my main source of news for my favorite celebrity, is shutting down at the end of this month. I think our country has far worse problems than people sharing articles/files. I'm all about supporting artists and writers, but why should they get a piece of everything? I mean, file sharing, for example. Many files shared between people in the fan communities I am in are files that were not and never have been for sale. So if people share things that were never meant for profit in the first place, then what are they doing wrong? I am so tired of the almighty dollar running everything.

I mean, I have worked my ass off since I turned 18. I worked full-time while attending college full-time, and everything I have I paid for myself. I'm making the payments on my student loans, I'm paying for my car, and I pay every penny of my rent and bills. My dad has worked for over 30 years, earning money to build a home and support a wife and two children, even working nights and working two jobs so that my  mother could stay home with us before we started school. It is not fair for some people to have to work like that when other people do not do a day of work in their lives and get to travel extensively and coast through life, all on someone else's penny. I am sick of it all. I am sick of this country, this government, and people with their self-righteousness.

All of that because my Bette source is getting taken away...geez.

10/25 UPDATE: Bootleg Betty is not closing just yet! Don has decided to hold off at least until the end of the year, and is exploring his options to save the site! Yay!

This is a picture of the ladies of the Cyrus family, minus big sister Brandi. That cute little bundle of joy in the middle is Noah. She is 10.

I cannot begin to say how many things are wrong with this picture. Let's forget the whore on the right and the trash on the left and just focus on Noah. Am I mistaken, or is that blue poking out at the top of her shirt a bra? No one should be seeing this girl's bra! And those shorts are ridiculous. I just cannot understand why someone would let their TEN YEAR OLD out in public in this!

photo via D-Listed

A Note on the Bullying of Gay Teens

It is a sad, sad day for America when young people would rather die than endure one more day of hatred and relentless persecution. As a mother, I am ashamed of all the parents who have failed to teach even the most basic human lessons to their children, "Live and let Live" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The normal, everyday kindness that we took for granted just a few years ago is a thing of the past, and I for one, mourn it deeply. Technology, the Internet, with its anonymity, have allowed people to behave like beasts, pouncing on the weak and howling with laughter when they inflict a wound, that only the strongest could survive. What are we doing to ourselves? How are we to survive as a nation, when hate seems to be the only thing that motivates us??



Four children are dead by their own hand because they just couldn't take any more. How many more are we going to sacrifice to the hyenas? Isn't it time to stop??

-- Bette Midler

Stevie Challenge - Days 29 & 30

Behind again. Sorry. It's been a busy couple of days.

Day 29 - How has Stevie Nicks inspired you?

I find Stevie inspiring in many ways. She is a fantastic role model, a strong female rocker in a time when women were just starting to be taken seriously in music. Her legacy still stands strong today, as she is constantly working, writing and touring. She has overcome adversity (public breakups, multiple drug addictions) and achieved success where many have failed. I admire Stevie for the fact that she doesn't care what other people think of her. She has maintained her own personal style throughout her career, even when many have said she should change her look. She has a unique voice, both literally and metaphorically, and her writing style is unabashedly original. Stevie has also inspired me as a single woman. She is proof positive that a woman can be sexy, successful, and well-respected without the constant presence of a man in her life.

Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy

I just love this song.

"Thrown Down"
from the Fleetwood Mac album Say You Will

He fell for her again, she watched it happen
Every day-- day by day
But more important-- night by night
She watched it all come into play
He held her hands, she listened to what he had to say

Thrown down... like a barricade
Maybe now he could prove to her
That he could be good for her
And they should be together

You've shaken your faith in me, no
You've shaken my faith in everything else
A decision no one makes, and now you're going home
Faith is a hard thing to hold on to
Something inside you says I don't have to
You're not like other people, you do what you want to
You're not like other people, you do what you want to
Thrown down... like a barricade
Maybe now he could prove to her
That he could be good for her
And they should be together

You say you're sorry...
Now you should walk away
But it's so overwhelming,
You have nothing left to say
You can sit outside his door and wait
Well, you can dedicate your pain to him

Oh, thrown down... like a barricade
Maybe now he could prove to her
That he could be good for her
And they should be together
About just how much he never really told her...
Thrown down...
About how difficult it had been to be without her...
Thrown down...

Stevie Challenge - Day 28

Day 28 - Favorite Stevie Nicks photo

I love Stevie's profile. There's something about it...I just can't describe.

And those boots again. Gah.

But this photo deserves honorable mention just for one reason: hair!

Stevie Challenge - Days 26 & 27

Day 26 - Favorite Stevie Nicks interview

My favorite interview clips of Stevie and the other Rumours-era line-up of Fleetwood Mac were featured in a made-for-TV documentary called Going Home. Very interesting, although extremely hard to find.

Day 27 - Your favorite outfit/fashion statement

Stevie's style is sooo fantastic and I love everything about it. The chiffon and draping cloth really works so well for her. That being said, my favorite part of her look has to be her shoes.

She still wears platform boots today, and can rock them like nobody else!