I'm not in much of a writing mood lately.

I think maybe the briefness of Facebook and Twitter has gotten me to be a little unenthusiastic about typing over 140 characters. But I sit here in front of this computer for eight hours a day and sometimes I run out of things to look at/read online.

Christmas was pretty good this year. Definitely the least stressful one I've had in a while. I turned off the TV at my grandmother's house when we got ready to open up gifts and didn't get grief over it, which was GREAT. I believe the last two years we've spent our gift-opening time watching football or basketball. As if we don't spend enough time trying not to spend time with each other the rest of the year.

I got some good things (DVDs mainly) and I got to buy a few good things too. I've had very little time lately, so I have some cash just waiting to be spent, but hopefully I can get some more awesome things. So far I've gotten (between gifts received and money spent) Bewitched seasons 6 and 7, the Sex and the City movie, both Glee soundtracks, Reba McEntire's "Keep On Loving You", Reba seasons 5 and 6, Will & Grace season 8, an ironing board, and another Lucy doll (even though I told my parents before my birthday to stop buying me dolls, sigh). Now I have a Victoria's Secret gift card I'm waiting to spend. I needs panties!

Big Love season 4, January 10! It's almost here!

A Very Brady Christmas

I got my second direct Twitter message from Melissa Peterman today. Awesome!

I put in my two weeks notice at Kroger last night. Get this: So, I type up the notice, fold in half, write my supervisor's name on it, and lay it on the desk when I get there. She was not there (obviously) but I worked with two other ladies last night. Both of them at separate times for some reason went into that office, and...READ THE NOTE. With someone else's name on it. Nosy! And one of them even asked me if it was just too hard for me now that Lori (another girl we worked with who recently left) was gone. Please, bitch! I don't need the support of a coworker to get through the day! What an asinine question!

I plan on going out and doing some serious drinking to celebrate leaving there. Hopefully I can make it that long!

Carrie Underwears and Dixie Carter

Wow. I haven't blooooogged in two weeks. Crizzazy!

I have been catching up on my Michael K today. Here are a couple of great snippets from the past two days:

Carrie Underwears got engaged over the weekend to Mike Fisher, a hockey player for the Ottawa Senators. The two pieces of boiled broccoli have been heavy petting (you know Carrie is going to keep her vagina to herself until marriage) since last year.
Carrie Underwears better not even think about changing her last name. There's only one famous Carrie Fisher allowed on this planet. Chewbacca will chew a bitch over this!

If Dixie Carter and a magical unicorn made beautiful love in a pool of fermented potatoes during a Sharpie storm, their love child would look and sing just like Beatrice Okulova!

The more I read D-Listed, the more I like it. At first I thought the jokes were mostly about gay sex, but there are some real gems hidden in there every now and then.

As for my real life, everything's basically the same. Still doing the two job thing, although I plan on ending that soon. Initially I said I wasn't going to buy Christmas gifts but I changed my mind. And actually I'm almost completely finished with my shopping although I just started on it yesterday. Woot! Anyway, back to work I guess. I have a long week ahead.

Big Fat Fatty

Last night I decided I was going to try to work out more. I do this periodically. But I was reading Valerie Bertinelli's Losing It, and she was talking about how fat she was at 135 and I thought, "My God, I must look like a cow." So I figured I should give it a shot. If I got down to 135 I'd consider myself in pretty good shape. (130 would be better, but I don't want my goals to be too high.)

Anyway, I decided to get up this morning and work out. I was pumped about this at around 1:00 in the morning. Then I tried to sleep. I couldn't. It was miserable. I laid around for a good hour and a half without falling asleep when I decided to get up and watch TV for a little bit and have some cereal to tide me over till morning. The last time I looked at the clock, it was 4:00. Needless to say, I didn't get up and work out this morning.

Happy Birthday Bette!

December 1st is my favorite day of the year because, yes folks, it is Bette Midler's birthday. Today I celebrate the life and career of this woman that I hold so dear to my heart. I am listening to her albums on my iPod while I'm at work today. I'm up to Broken Blossom so far. (I keep getting interrupted by phone calls!)

I just found this article on Slate today. It's about the Disney Channel show The Suite Life on Deck and how the lessons the show teaches about "scoring chicks" isn't something that should be targeted to the age group that most watches the show (6-11 year olds). Although I agree with the content, the final paragraph borders on infuriating. Here's a snippet:

"Right now, a startling volume of tween culture is devoted, directly or indirectly, to puttin' on a show in the manner of Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland. It seems important to remember that things didn't work out too well for Judy in the long run."

That doesn't seem like a necessary reference to me (read the article to see what I mean), and I'm sure if Liza were coherent and she heard about this, she would raise some HELL.

"Landslide" inspires

Here's an article about a gay man who found inspiration, and later a connection with his coming out, in the Stevie Nicks-penned "Landslide".

Hauntingly familiar: Stevie Nicks is following me
Mark Ambrose Harris

If there is anything that makes my staunch atheism bend, it's music. There are artists whose bodies of work have inspired me, and there are songs that are the sonic equivalent of guardian angels. I'm referring to the tunes that follow us through life, that show up right when we need to hear them, and that don't whither with the passing of time. Personally, I place "Landslide" in this category...

Continue to the rest of the article by clicking above. I have now added a visitor counter to the bottom of my page. Here's hoping I can actually tell whether or not people have read my blog.

11/27

One awkward family holiday down, one to go.

I hear Angelina Jolie doesn't like Obama and thinks he is a socialist. Boo hoo, Angie. Maybe you should run for president. And what's so wrong with socialism, again? Celebrities with hoity-toity political stances just annoy me. Other Americans feel the same as you do about our leader(s), you just have the ability for people to hear your opinion whereas most of us don't.

Some day people will listen to my opinions. Some day I will change the world.

It's coming....

I am older than Lady Gaga. I feel like a failure as a human being.

As the season is approaching (blah), I have decided to make a list of what I deem to be the ultimate Christmas songs. My holiday season is not complete without these songs, and I really do mean that. I can't listen to Christmas music until I get into the "spirit", but I also do not truly get into the Christmas spirit without these songs. These are in no particular order, by the way.

* "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - Judy Garland
* "White Christmas" - Bing Crosby
* "Silent Night" - Stevie Nicks
* "Carol of the Bells" - choral version
* "Merry Christmas Darling" - The Carpenters
* Bette Midler's entire "Cool Yule" album
* "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" - Judy Garland and Bing Crosby
* "Christmas Don't Be Late" - The Chipmunks (Yes, seriously.)

It also helps to watch White Christmas. I would have put the song "Snow" from that movie on my list, but that song is not available ANYWHERE. And I do mean anywhere, because I have looked. Naturally, that song has been recorded, but you cannot find the version from the movie. Apparently when they originally released the soundtrack for White Christmas, they recorded it WITHOUT Rosemary Clooney and with Peggy Lee instead. Don't get me wrong. I like Peggy Lee. But she is not Rosemary Clooney. How hard is it to pull the audio from a print of White Christmas and release it on disc?

This is the week that will not end. Yes it goes on and on my friends...

I. Am. So. Tired.

This week will not end. Seriously. I am so tired. This is my first day of not working both jobs this week, and I am ready for the weekend. I'm really enjoying this extra money, but it sucks that Kroger doesn't put out their schedule until Friday. It's Thursday, and I won't know until 10 pm tomorrow whether or not I work Sunday night. This is dumb.

Twitter is quite possibly the greatest invention of all time. Today, Michelle Branch retweeted a question I asked her. I love celebrity/human interaction. And no, celebrities are not human.

Buffalo Wild Wings tonight. Anybody wanna join?

Visions of Showgirls

I didn't get up until 2:30 today. Go me.

Do you ever look at someone's face so much that one day you think you know every pore, every line, every curve, and then the next you don't think you'll ever remember what they look like again? I'm like that with Bette Midler. I have studied that woman's face more often and more intently than anyone else's. Lately when I see pictures of her, it's like I don't even know who she is. I've seen her face so many times that looking at it, it becomes distorted, misshapen, unfamiliar. But now I'm back to her face being burned in my memory, restored and new. I had an amazing dream about Bette last night.

As you may have noticed from my last post, I'm pretty upset about her Vegas show not being extended. I was hoping that in the two years she was there, I was going to be able to make it out there to see her. I saved magazine and newspaper articles regarding the show, just so I could have plenty of material to make a Vegas scrapbook after my visit. However, as they tend to do, things just kept coming up financially that made me unable to save. Now, I did spend quite a bit of money going to see Fleetwood Mac this summer, but I was able to see them twice and take my Dad for the amount of money it would have cost me to see Bette once in Vegas. Plus I thought Bette would be in Vegas longer, so I was confident that I had time to save up. But now things are worse than they've ever been for me financially and she's leaving Vegas in two and a half months.

Anyway, back to the dream. I've had all this Vegas stuff on my mind, so last night I dreamed about it, or should I say this morning, technically. The dream was based on the fact that I wanted to go to Vegas but couldn't, so I needed to let Bette know how much I wanted to see her. I'm not really sure why I needed to tell her, but I did. She was doing some sort of promotional thing concerning the end of her Vegas run, and I just so happened to be in the vicinity. I decided I had to get there. I raced through this really elaborate building that was like part train station, part department store. The place was huge. After encountering all kinds of other things along the way, I finally got to the place where Bette was filming her promo. It must have been for some talk show or something. I managed to get down where she was and there was a producer or someone talking to her. I had two people with me. I think it was my mom and sister. Anyway, we just casually walked past where Bette was while this guy was talking. And I mean, we're six, seven feet from her chair. She acknowledged us walking past, and even called me by name. (Don't ask me how that happened.) As soon as we passed her, I decided this was my chance to say something to her. I apologized for interrupting and introduced myself. I told her how upset I was that she wasn't extending her Vegas show because it had been a dream of mine for some time to see her perform live and how I was afraid I was never going to get the chance now. I don't remember what she said to me or what I said after that, but I remember there were tears in my eyes because I was so thrilled to be talking to her. Then she embraced me, and I have never felt so happy and loved in all my life. And I do mean my real life, not my dream life. She held me for a long time, and I was crying from happiness, then I thanked her for speaking with me and told her that I wouldn't bother her any longer, and I walked away.

I don't know why this dream has affected me so deeply, but I felt like I connected with Bette, that I was a person and not just another nameless fan. The whole thing really made me feel at ease about not seeing Bette in Vegas, because it felt like a sign to me that everything is going to be okay and that my time will come someday. I know this all probably sounds really odd, but that was the best dream I have had in a very long time. Weird, like most of mine have been lately with my odd sleep patterns, but wonderful.

I'm off to update my iPod now.

The dream is dead.

Bette's last Vegas show has officially been announced as January 31, 2010. It is completely impossible for me to attend now. Needless to say, I am heartbroken. My greatest fear is that she won't do live shows after this. Apparently she is/will be working on an album, and for that I am incredibly grateful.

Things are going okay, kind of hectic, and my social life is practically nonexistent. I did just sell a CD on Amazon today, which is a nice little bonus finanically. Not much, but a little.

Lately I've really been wishing our country had some sort of federally controlled recycling program. I feel that a lot of people aren't educated on how to properly prepare items for recycling, and what would really be great is if we had a program for delivery of food to food pantries. Grocery stores and restaurants throw away massive amounts of food on a daily basis, and it's just ridiculous that there's not some way that that food can be picked up and distributed locally. This would not only benefit people in especially lower-income communities, but it would keep these businesses from having to have their trash picked up so often (which they get charged for, I'm pretty sure). How is this situation not a win-win? Of course, some communities probably have something like this set up, but it should be a country-wide thing. If I had any business sense at all, I suppose I could try to start setting up a program like this. Maybe I can someday make the right connections and know the right people to get something like this started, but in the meantime, this is being posted on my blog as of now, so don't steal my idea bitches!

I was given a bootleg CD of the Fleetwood Mac Nashville show that I went to, and I am pretty sure that I can hear myself and my dad in the recording. How awesome is that!?

Oh, and Melissa Peterman made my week. Blonde forever!

I remember the thunder, talking 'bout the fire in your eyes.

I tried to cockblock somebody tonight. I won't deny it. Whatever. She was too good for him.

Halloween is probably my favorite holiday. It gives everyone a chance to pretend they're something they're not, and/or to dress totally outrageously. I went as a cold bitch this year, or so I was told. I actually didn't have a costume, which is the first time in...well, possibly the first time ever. I just couldn't afford a costume and didn't feel like dressing like a slut, although I did think about it. No, instead I went in the same clothes I wore to work. Tomorrow I suppose I'll have to uphold my usual Halloween tradition of watching Hocus Pocus since my work/party-going didn't give me time to do so today.

This evening I realized I have three things that make life worth living. One thing is something personal that I have to keep to myself, but the other two things are Bette Midler and Stevie Nicks. I am sad and alone and it is pathetic.

Tomorrow is my first official day at Kroger, so I'm sure I will be especially tired at DFS on Monday. I will be so glad to not be completely broke all the time.

Long Time Gone

Wow. It's been a while since I posted. Didn't realize it had been that long.

I don't really have that much to update, honestly. In my mind, I've come up with a few commentaries on life over the past couple of weeks, but naturally I didn't write them down, so where does that leave us? Why, right here, with nothing to talk about.

I've been on a Cher kick lately thanks to some CDs and DVDs I borrowed from Kent. I used to really love Cher back about ten years ago, but I guess I've sort of neglected her lately. Sorry Cherilyn.

Bogie is getting ever larger and sometimes more feisty, but I still love having him around and wouldn't trade him for anything.

Looks like I won't be dressing up for Halloween this year. Not only am I broke and can't even afford to piece together a costume from Goodwill, I don't really have any good costume ideas either. I thought of being either Stevie Nicks or Karen Walker, but Stevie would require a wig that I don't really want to wear and Karen would not be recognizable to enough people. Granted, recognizable isn't exactly my bag anyway. Halloween 2007, anyone?

I am supposed to be working about twenty hours a week in the third shift time slot at Kroger, but I haven't heard anything from them since Friday, when I went in to take my drug test. At the time it sounded like a sure thing, but now that they haven't called to set up my orientation I am a little concerned. Not that I have any reason to be worried, but still...

Guess I ought to head to bed now. I haven't been sleeping very well lately. In fact, I'm overly tired most of the time. Anyway, gotta get to bed so I can try to get up on time tomorrow. I'll try to think of some topics at work to blog about and get back to you in a couple days.

I am like an onion. I have many layers.

I posted a blog entry yesterday which I have since deleted. Here is the issue: I am too worried about what people think of me. I deleted the post because it exposed a very embarassing part of myself and I decided I didn't want that out there for everyone to see.

I have always cared too much about what people thought. Once I started becoming, well, me around the sixth grade, I got ridiculed for things that I liked. In the sixth grade my boyfriend had a poster of Mariah Carey in his locker. I had pictures of Lucille Ball. In the eighth grade I raved about this new Bette Midler CD that had just been released and talked a friend into taking it home and listening to it. She told me it was weird. So, in high school, I started keeping things a little more to myself. I listened to music and read in my room. Bette Midler's version of "I Sold My Soul To Rock 'n' Roll" was my "angry song" and I watched The Golden Girls religiously. But I didn't go out and share these things as much with other people. Granted, my Bette Midler obsession has always been out there, but I didn't talk about guys or the feelings of jealousy I had toward other, more confident girls in my age bracket. I didn't want people to single me out for anything else.

My freshman year of college was really stressful for me. At the time, I thought it was mostly because I was working so much, plus going to school full time, plus a couple of different guy issues I was having at the time, but now I realize that it was all just a release of the past five or six years of my life. I went through several spells where I would get crippling stomach cramps brought on by crippling neck pain that was caused by stress. I was really worried about my health. When I had a spell during a German study group in which my left arm and the left side of my face went numb, I got really nervous and saw a doctor. He told me what I knew all along, that it was stress, but I will never forget how awful I felt during that time frame.

Since then, I have tried to lighten up. I really feel that I am much more free than I was when I started college five years ago, but even now I have times when I get concerned about what others think. I worry that I have been too vulnerable or revealed too much of myself to someone, and sometimes it makes me nauseous. I am not totally honest in my answers to questions because I worry that my feelings will be rejected. Even when I do let loose and say what I'm actually thinking or feeling, my words are often met with negative reactions, like me offending someone or putting my foot in my mouth. Then I go back to clamming up and start the cycle all over again.

I wish that I could live every aspect of my life here, on a page, where everyone could see every ingrown hair, every gross mole, every rough patch of skin, and every yellow toenail. And along with that, I wish that the way people responded meant nothing to me at all. I wish I could worry more about the experience and the lesson than I do about the consequences. But it's just not me. Maybe it will be in ten years, or maybe it won't. Who knows? I am really trying though, and I know that I am getting better...just not as much better as I had hoped.

White Trash Evening

I just went to Walmart at 12:15 to buy Cheerios. Wait, that's not all. I was wearing Eeyore pajama pants, a tacky sweatshirt, and no bra. I have become that which I hate.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it was pretty pathetic. I was running low on cereal and thought, "Oh, I've got nothing better to do. It's either get up off my ass and walk around for ten or fifteen minutes, or read, or watch more of The Golden Girls." So I thought I might as well get up and do something for about forty-five minutes so that I could feel like my day had a purpose.

I don't guess I should complain. At least we had plenty to do at work today.

Maybe they ought to charge an extra tax for clean water.

Here's a blog I wrote yesterday while I was at work:

I just finished reading this article about a proposed “fat tax”. (http://www.slate.com/id/2228713) Okay, I won’t lie. I didn’t read ALL of the article, but I did read most of it. Here’s what I think: I see the point about the tax. It could have its benefits as far as reducing the amount of soda drank by consumers in this country. But the last paragraph of the article really outlines the whole problem for me: the people that this tax will most affect are the ones who can’t afford healthy beverages and juices to replace soda in their diets, and while, yes, water is an extremely cheap option for most of us, I do not advise drinking water from the tap. Ever. Now, I do have a Brita water filter myself, one of those pitchers. I use tap water to fill it. But having lived in Campbellsville for the majority of my life with a subpar city water filtration system, I can say that the suggestion at the end of this article is more preposterous than the idea of calling a tax “fat tax”. (Click the “drink from the faucet” link there in the last paragraph. It’ll take you to a lengthy but informative NY Times article about disregard for the Clean Water Act.)

Campbellsville, per capita, probably has one of the highest cancer rates in the state, if not the nation. Breast cancer is incredibly common, and many young women my age and younger (self included) have had cysts on/in various parts of their reproductive systems. Many have had cysts so large on their ovaries that they could actually be considered tumors, and several of these women have had to have such growths removed more than once. Everyone knows that the problem is the city water, yet no one does anything about it. Growing up, we always drank bottled water. Even when we saw no negative effects from drinking the tap water, it still tasted disgusting. But there’s no way to stop using contaminated water completely. It would be far too expensive, not to mention inconvenient, to use bottled water for bathing as well. Then again, why should we have to? It’s just unbelievable how little gets done to protect basic human rights like the availability of clean water. (Let’s not get started on clean water in other countries. That’s a fight that we may never win.) I mean, did we learn nothing from the likes of Erin Brokovich and Karen Silkwood?

The other issue I had with the article was the fact that it was called a “fat tax”. How insulting is that to overweight people? At least the government isn’t suggesting we tax people for each pound they are overweight. So much for my fondness of WWII era America.

Widgey widgey woo.

Also, let me know what you think about the Twitter widget I added. I'm not sure I like the fact that it only shows my most recent tweet.

I may not be 13 and hip, but read my blog anyway!

I've been taking a look at Tavi Gevinson's blog just now. Saw a blurb about it on MSN and decided I should check it out. There's lots of stuff from Fashion Week, which doesn't really interest me, but I'm very impressed with her writing style (especially the fact that she is a good speller and knows the basic rules of grammar - so rare for someone her age these days!). Anyway, I feel like an old fart considering this girl that was born when I was in the fourth grade has gotten more attention than I probably ever will.

Bogie is driving me crazy. He's climbing from the bar stools onto the bar now and has ended up in the kitchen sink more than once. No matter how many times I pull him down from there, he still finds his way back up. It's impossible to discourage him.

I am trying to finish up season four of The Golden Girls tonight. I know I've seen every single episode of this show as much as I used to watch it back in high school, but renting it on Netflix is allowing me to see them in order, which is nice. This is one of many shows, however, that doesn't have much continuity. Each episode could practically stand on its own, less the major background details that provide insight into the behavior of the characters, and it's slightly frustrating how details about minor characters get changed from season to season. I'm also watching quite a bit of Will & Grace. I now own every season but the final one of that, and I'm really enjoying me some Karen Walker right now. I want to walk around with a martini glass and call everyone honey.

Oh, and speaking of things to read:

http://www.examiner.com/x-6566-Nashville-Gay-Community-Examiner~y2009m10d1-One-Million-Moms-Attack-the-Modern-Family-with-Glee

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone.

A couple of weeks ago I hung out with one of my closest friends from work. It was the first time we'd ever done anything outside of work together. We had a really nice time, got to talk a little bit, but the best part was taking a walk around her neighborhood. She was telling me stories about her neighbors. It was amazing. Every house we passed, she knew personal details of these people's lives. It was like it was 1957 or something. I was so impressed that in a place as big as Lexington, people still know their neighbors. Made me a little nostalgic.

I stopped by the theater earlier and saw Extract. I also put in an application because I need a little part time work. Anyway, this month marks two years since I worked there. It's incredible. Sometimes it feels like longer since I worked there, and other times it doesn't feel that long. I'm confident I could go behind that counter and still work those registers today.

I'm really low on money right now, so I will be trying to get a part-time job, at least for the holidays. So, if anybody knows of someone that's hiring...

Odds and Ends

It's always interesting going online and reading comments on blogs and message boards. Some people get so totally bent out of shape over stuff, as if their comment is going to cause the author to change something in the article/blog the commenter just read. It's completely ridiculous. I have been compelled a few times as of late just to comment to other people’s comments that I've read.

I've been researching graduate programs in Tennessee today, just to give me a legitimate reason to move. I'm not all that interested in a graduate program, mainly because buckling down to my undergrad studies was difficult enough, but I thought it would be worth looking into. Vanderbilt would pay my tuition and give me a stipend during the course of my studies. Plus, it's located near downtown Nashville so if I were to enroll anywhere it would be the most likely. A lot of programs required completion of a second semester of 200-level foreign language studies, and there's no way I could enroll in a 202 French class with a more than two-year absence. I wouldn't make it.

I've also been looking at apartments in the Nashville area to get an idea. There are several in Antioch that are nicer than where I live, or seem to be from the pictures, and are also cheaper. Naturally I'd have to go physically look at them, but that's a long way off. Moving is just an idea that I have right now. Something to get me out of this rut I feel like I'm in, and just something to give me a change of scenery for a while.

If it weren't for days like today, I'd go crazy.

I love my days off. I cherish them.

Today I was lazy and didn't really do anything until about four, when I finally decided to vacuum and do a little poop-scooping. I took a shower and headed off to Kroger to finish up some grocery shopping. I spent way more money than usual at Walmart this time, but I still needed meat and produce. When I got to Kroger and pulled a shopping cart out, I noticed there was something that I thought was a dark leaf in the cart. Just as I was getting ready to go around and get it out, I noticed it was moving. So I got around where I could see it and as it started to climb between the holes in the bottom of the cart, I saw that it was a tiny little bat. I started to move the cart around so I could go show the guy that was working at the door, but before I got all the way over there, the bat flew off, straight through the front doors. It was so cool.

I made orange chicken for dinner tonight, after much debate. But I'd been craving it and decided that now was as good a time as any to do it since I have plans for the next few days after work and wouldn't have time. I'm so glad I made it because it was fantastic. I have never been so pleased with something I cooked before. Of course, it was a little kit that I bought. It's not like I made the coating for the chicken or the orange sauce from scratch, but the whole thing still went really well. I wish I didn't have to save some of that for lunch at work tomorrow, because I wanted to finish it all!

I'm sitting here watching the Stevie Nicks Soundstage DVD. I know I say this often, but I want to make babies with that woman. Now I'm going to sit back and listen to "Sara".

We're having a baby, my baby and me.

I had a dream on Saturday night that I was pregnant. It seemed that I hadn't known very long that I was pregnant, but I was quite far along. There was no talk about the baby's father, and I could tell from a few things my mom said in the dream that I was not married. I wasn't being totally chastised for being an unwed expectant mother (which would most definitely not be the case in real life), and at the same time I wasn't afraid of handling the situation completely on my own. The most amazing thing about the dream was how realistic it felt. I woke up still remembering the extra weight on my lower back and how swollen and tight my belly felt.

It was a reminder to me of how much I really do want a baby. I'm broke and sometimes I go out to bars too much, yet I really want a baby. Not the right time in my life, clearly, but the dream can serve as a reminder to me of where I want to be in ten years (or hopefully less).

Life and Death

I have begun reading Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. I'm on the second book, The Vampire Lestat, right now. When I read the introduction, I was like, "Wow. This is going to be DUMB," but once she started talking about Lestat's beginnings, prior to becoming a vampire, it started to get a lot more interesting. This is a long one, but I'm anxious to get through it. True Blood has really gotten me interested in vampire lore, which is heightened by the fact that I've always been intrigued by the idea of immortality.

I've been afraid of death for as long as I can remember. When I was a teenager, I used to have a lot of trouble sleeping, which is probably what led to my night owl-ish nature as an adult. Anyway, I had trouble sleeping because my mind tends to wander at night. I would often have thoughts of death right before bed, which led to the worst thoughts of all: what if I went to sleep and never woke up? So I would fight going to sleep, and often end up going back to watch TV with my mother, near tears because I was so terrified of the morning that might not come. Going to Southern Baptist churches all my life that talked about Heaven vs. Hell never really helped my problem either. It only made me not want to go to church. The ideas of going to Heaven and rejoicing with God for all eternity is something that may be soothing for some people, but not for me. Even scarier than not knowing what happens after death is the idea that, once we die, we live FOREVER in Heaven.

There is nothing that we know in life that doesn't end. You may work forty years at the same job, but eventually you retire or die. You don't continue working there. Video games that seem to take forever to beat all have an ending point. It may be difficult to reach, but there is always that "finish line". Every relationship ends, even if it takes the death of one person to put an end to it, and every major disease either ends up with the person being completely cured or the person dying, both things of which are endings. So, just as scary as dying and having 70-some odd years of your life vanish into oblivion, the idea of living in Heaven without end frightens me like you would not believe.

This is why supernatural characters, first witches and now vampires, have always intrigued me. Living forever in Heaven, which no one knows for sure actually exists, is one thing, but living forever on Earth is something I could go with. After all, the Earth has been in existence, which has been scientifically proven, for billions of years. Who are we to say whether it won't exist for billions more? And I know how things work here. I know that without fail when I get out of bed in the morning, my feet will touch the ground. I know that each night is followed by a morning and the seasons always occur (although this one could be questionable because of global warming) in the same order. I know that 1 + 1 is always 2 and I know that if I am hungry, food will nourish me.

Fear of death and the unknown is something that some people do not possess, but I've never been able to have blind faith in anything. If that means my fear will continue, then I'll learn to deal with it. As long as I'm still here tomorrow, that's all that matters.

The Julie/Julia Project

I just saw Julie & Julia. First let me just say that Meryl Streep is FABULOUS and was simply delightful in this movie. Secondly, like many movies of its nature, this movie inspired me to do something. I haven't figured out what yet, but I know that I must set some sort of short term goal for myself in an attempt to not only better myself, but to get people to read my blog as well. I'm thinking at this point that my goal needs to be related to writing, but blogging about writing just seems a little redundant. Unless of course the writing involved was songwriting. Then I might be able to go somewhere with that. It also helps that I happen to know a guy in a band who could maybe help me out and give my song a little local exposure, but that just seems like reaching too far.

I could set a goal to read all of a particular author's books in a certain amount of time or watch all of someone's movies in a certain amount of time, but those things don't really seem very productive to me. Of course, this whole cookbook thing is actually not a bad idea. After all, I'm not a cook, and trying to get through a certain number of recipes in a certain amount of time would eventually turn out to be fruitful for me. But let's face it. That would take way more money than I can possibly invest in a hobby right now. (See my last blog post.)

On that note, I'm going to try to not freak out about this student loan repayment stuff. I'm going to find a way to make it work for the next six months and then just figure it out from there. After all, I have that check to get me started. I did, however, go out and spend some money today, but it was on food and clothing (besides going to the movie and getting no refreshments) so I think that's okay. I needed some new tops for work and I think spending $5 at the grocery can never be a bad thing. I really wanted to buy Reba's new CD too, but nobody had it for less than $13.99 and I just wasn't willing to spend that in my current financial state.

Time to update/charge my iPod, eat a little something, then go to bed. I have to work 10-6 tomorrow. Stupid holiday hours.

And if anyone has any suggestions for a project I can set a goal for, I'm listening.

If I were to go back to college, think what a loser I'd be. I'd sit in the quad and think, "Oh my god, these kids are so much younger than me."

Bogie got fixed today and all he wants to do is sleep on me. It's adorable.

I just got a check in the mail today for cancelling the service contract on my other car, and it was going to start my Vegas fund but apparently I can't get another student loan forbearance because I can't exceed six months in a twelve month period, so it looks like I'm going to have to make a student loan payment with that money. AWESOME.

If I didn't have a nice car and a cat who adores me, I would say that my life sucks right now.

January 13th

I've decided to choose January 13th as my prospective date for going to see The Showgirl Must Go On.

Help me make this happen guys! If I want to get drunk randomly, don't let me do it. I need to set the money aside. If I want to go out to eat, convince me to eat at home instead. That's money I could be taking to Vegas. Don't let me buy CDs or DVDs...who am I kidding? I rarely have the money to do that anymore anyway. And, if you know some way I can do odd jobs for a little cash, let me know! I may even offer to mow my grandmother's yard and I've never been on a mower in my life. I am convinced I can make this happen for myself. I may even invest in the Smug Mutha package. It will be pricey, and I didn't really want to sit first row, but it will mean meeting Bette after the show and that would make me the happiest woman in the world. I need people to help me stay motivated!

And of course this doesn't start until I get my next paycheck on Monday. :)

I'm 24 now!

I've been trying to work on this blog entry for days and there just hasn't been time. Add that to the fact that I can't get on Blogger at work any more, and well, here we are.

Last weekend was my birthday weekend. I had Thursday through Sunday off from work. My weekend really began on Wednesday night with Hamburger Helper and a couple episodes of Friends. I slept late Thursday morning and got picked up by Ashley around 1:30 or so. We went to the mall and just to run a few errands around town. Plus she got to meet Bogie and I'm pretty sure that was love at first sight. Around 6:30 we headed to Mellow Mushroom where we shared a delicious veggie pizza. We mainly went there for the Blue Valiums. It's pure liquor and completely wonderful. I had one (after all, I was driving) and Ashley had two. We went back to my apartment for a bit to change and Meagan met us there. About 9:30 we headed toward downtown and The Bar. Meagan was gracious and patient enough to be the designated driver for the evening.

The drag show was great. I wore my shants, a mythical pantsuit creation that I had only worn once before, enabling me to show off my luscious farmer's tan and my giant breasts, thanks to the fact that I had to go braless. I had two Savannahs (if you go to The Bar you know how awesome those drinks and bartender Kenny are), two vodka cranberries, and a shot of bourbon that was actually more like two and a half shots. I may have had more to drink. That's just all I remember. We went to Steak and Shake afterwards and I remember going there and then paying for my food, but I have no recollection of ordering or eating. Luckily I had a picture of myself with a cheeseburger in my mouth.

Friday morning, Ashley, also quite drunk the night before, left my apartment around 10:30, after getting to cuddle with my cat all night. Then I slept in a little bit longer before showering and heading to my grandparents' house in Buffalo. I spent close to an hour there and was in Campbellsville right around 5. I had dinner with my parents and sis (nothing special, just Wendy's) and then Heather and I left to come up to Lexington. We went to Walmart so I could get some groceries and then just hung out around my apartment all night. We watched Coraline and Hairspray and hit the sack around 2:30 or 3 in the morning.

Saturday morning we slept in kind of late and both got showers. We went to a few stores out in Hamburg and then came back to my apartment to eat some sandwiches before heading out to Cincinnati. We got to Riverbend around 6:15 and just happened to run into Kent (from work) and his friends. We got a giant soft pretzel to eat and I bought a beer and we just sort of all talked and hung out until about ten minutes before the show. The Donnas played first. Their set was really short but they had a lot of energy and did a really great job. We were hoping Pat Benatar was going to perform next but when we saw the roadies bring out Clem's drum set we knew Blondie was up next. They also did great and Debbie looked really good. Not as good as the last time we saw them, but it was really hot (since PNC Pavilion is partly open and it was close to 90 out) in her defense.

Pat Benatar's set was probably the one I was most impressed with. Other than the fact that the backing musicians were entirely too loud and sometimes drowned out Pat's voice, I thought her guitarist (husband Neil Giraldo) was fantastic, and Pat's voice sounded really great. We did sneak out before the end of the last song, but we wanted to make sure we got posters before the merchandise booths closed, and we were hoping to beat the crowd a little too. We both got a bit of a second wind after the show and ended up watching Mamma Mia! before we went to sleep.

Sunday morning I woke up at around 8:30. Meagan, Justin, and Chris were supposed to be meeting at my apartment around 9:30 so we could head to King's Island. Justin decided not to come since he was entertaining his brother for the weekend. Chris arrived about 9:45 and we left. My dad was coming to pick up Heather later so I just left her my key and she locked up the apartment. We got to King's Island about 11:45 and headed straight to the pavilion where we were having the free picnic. (This is why my job is awesome. KI tickets were totally free for all of us too.) The first thing we did (joining Andrew, Lauren, Matt, Jenny, Travis, and Jamie) was head to the Lazy River ride to cool off and so that we could let our food settle. I had resolved to try to ride Adventure Express ("kiddie coaster") and then see if I could work my way up to The Racer. I was a little scared, so Meagan talked me into riding a kiddie ride that spun around really fast, eventually lifting you up into the air while still spinning, and slowly making it's way back down to the ground. It was terrifying. I did ride Adventure Express later and was actually quite scared of that one too. We did the SpongeBob 3D theater thing, bumper cars and the Scooby Doo Haunted Mansion (awesome!), but I did a lot of waiting around while other people rode rides. I didn't mind. I've never been a fan of amusement parks really, but I know other people love them so this was bound to happen. The one ride that all of us in the group did ride together (well, we did SpongeBob and Scooby Doo too) was the stunt coaster, which was actually way scarier than I thought it would be. It was a smoother ride than Adventure Express because the track was metal, but it went from 0 to 40 pretty fast and I got a little bit of whiplash because I was too busy holding the arm grip to put my head against the seat like I was supposed to. It also had one part that shot out flames and those were really fucking hot.

All in all, aside from the sunburn and newly awkward tan lines I got, I had a pretty great time, but after it was all over I was just ready to come home and pass out. Which I virtually did. After a nice bubble bath. :)

Greatest birthday weekend ever. Now...bored yet?

Goodbye Reba Nell.

It's been an interesting few days.

My dad and I went car shopping on Thursday. I didn't really know if there would be any actual "shopping" but we went around to look at cars. As you know, I'd been having quite a bit of trouble with mine within the last two months and I was just basically fed up with havings a shitty car. I'd been checking out websites all week trying to get a car in mind. I looked at a lot of Toyota Corollas considering they get great gas mileage and are fairly compact. Whenever we set out on Thursday, I had already gotten a Corolla in my head. Even had the color picked out. We went to a Ford dealership first because my dad can get a discount on Fords through work. The lot we went to only had three Focuses, one of which was automatic. I drove it, after practically getting attacked on the car lot by the salesman, and I wasn't very happy with the visibility nor the feel of the car. The second dealership we went to had a tons of Corollas but they didn't have the color I wanted. This time we didn't get attacked by a salesman and actually had to go inside to find one. I ended up test driving a red 2010 and was incredibly pleased with the performance of the vehicle. Fortunately, inside the showroom, they had the color I wanted and it just happened to have the exact same features as the car I tested.

The deciding factor about any deal was going to be my current car, and I knew that. I owed over twice what that car was worth, and me being able to get another car depended on whether or not they were willing to pay off my trade. The Toyota dealership was willing to pay off my trade, but there was a catch: it would be added to the selling price of the vehicle. This was something I expected to happen even though, now that I am technically in the auto financing business, I know that car dealerships receive rebates on new cars that they sell and that those rebates would have been enough to eat up the negative equity on my vehicle. But, who is going to be willing to lose a couple thousand dollars just to make a sale? Not a lot of places. We finagled over a monthly payment for quite some time, a sale being completely dependent on whether or not I could fit a new car into my budget. I even asked if they had some slightly used Corollas that I might be able to look at. The salesman told me that the interest would be higher on an older model (which is true) and that my monthly payment would be about the same because of that (not necessarily true). Regardless, I won't say that I felt pressured, but I did feel that the salesman wasn't being very direct. For example, I asked him what my interest rate would be (at least twice) and he never gave me a percentage, just said that I was getting their "great low rate." I gave him a price range and it turns out that my price range was stretched a little but I crunched the numbers and I think I can make this work. After all, I am making more money now, and I've only been low on money due to the concerts and things I've done over the past few months. Not to mention the trip to Chicago and replacing a fuel pump in the same weekend.

So, anyway, to sum up an ordeal that lasted a total of almost five hours, I drove home a 2010 Toyota Corolla in blue streak metallic with 15 miles on the speedometer. And I love it. Now I just have to decide what I'm going to name her.

TV themes

Top 10 Greatest TV Show Theme Songs, in no particular order:

1. The Golden Girls
2. 227
3. The Addams Family
4. The Dick Van Dyke Show
5. The Brady Bunch
6. Gilligan's Island
7. Green Acres
8. Laverne & Shirley
9. The Jeffersons
10. Growing Pains

I've had the song from Growing Pains stuck in my head this week. I don't know for the life of me why. I haven't watched that show in years.

cut off

They've blocked us from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Perez Hilton, D-Listed, Blogger, and probably various other sites at my workplace. I considered my internet usage one of the greatest perks to my job, and I'm very disappointed to have had that privilege taken away. So...if you don't see any posts from me for a while, don't worry. I'll try to keep my online updates as frequent as I can, but considering my connection here at home is sporadic and undependable, I can only do so much. *sigh* Guess my Blondie concert/birthday weekend review will have to come a few days late. Ta-tas for now!

Ben Affleck

Last night I had a hard time falling asleep because I thinking about how, at that very moment, Ben Affleck could be searching for his keys. I kept imagining Jennifer Garner placing little Violet into the high chair while Ben looked frantically under books and things piled on a table. "Jen, honey," he would say, "have you seen my keys?" She would answer, "Did you check the kitchen counter?" And of course, she would be right, and he would shout, "Thanks, babe, I'll be back later. Love ya."

Do you want to know how I started thinking about Ben Affleck? I was thinking about Bette, the show, not the person. Then I was reminded of an interview I watched with her in which she said that when she made Drowning Mona her daughter thought it was really cool that she got to work with Casey Affleck. Then I started comparing Casey and Ben in my mind, and how neither of them are really that attractive, but Ben's nose sets off his chin whereas Casey has a smaller nose and it just makes his chin appear to jut out even further.

That's how I started thinking about Ben Affleck looking for his keys.

When the rain washes you clean, you'll know.

Well, I got a flat tire again. This is three (second time on the same tire) within less than two months. I am just about fed up with...well, everything. I'm sick of owing so much money on a worthless piece of shit car, I'm sick of having credit card debt that I can't afford to stay out of, and I'm really sick of living hand-to-mouth 90% of the time. I don't understand. I'm making more money now than I ever have and somehow I keep digging myself deeper and deeper. I suppose now that I've stopped spending money on concerts (hey, a girl's gotta live, right?) that things will improve a little, but I'm still stuck in a rut with this car. Just when I decided I would try to stick it out with this car for another year in order to get my balance down on it, now this tire situation comes up. I don't have the money laying around to just up and buy another tire. In the morning I'm going to take my car to Wal-Mart and see if they can just patch it. Otherwise, I'll owe my parents fifty bucks for helping me out with the tire. I get paid on Thursday, but what does that matter anymore? I have to pay my rent and my credit card bill, then it will be time to buy groceries again.

I'm also fucked right now because of the fact that I finally broke down and went to the clinic. I've had this sort of cough for over a month and haven't felt just right the whole time. Every time I thought I was getting better it would get worse. Finally I just said screw it and went, hoping I could get it cleared up. The way my health care plan works, I get billed for office visits, but I still had to pay for my prescription. $30 for 6 pills! And to top it all off, what they gave me was a Z-pack, which I had forgotten makes me nauseous. So I paid thirty bucks for 5 days worth of stomach cramps. Awesome!

My head's been racing lately too. Things seemed to have gotten better when I changed to this new position at work, but now I'm back to my old antics. I'm having trouble sleeping and focusing, and my body's all tense again too. I guess all this stress outside of work is what's doing it (money issues and whatnot), but it doesn't ease up when I'm at work. I used to be able to play some music while I was working to help me clear my head, but that's not working for me now either. It just seems that I can't ever stay stress-free for very long. My body just won't let me.

Twitter

I've done it. I have joined Twitter. I feel slightly ashamed since it's Twitter. (Just as many people cut on Twitter as they do praise it.) But I need to move into the future. Plus, if celebrities tweet, then how bad can it be? In fact, this may be just the boost I need to get more readers to my blog! Meh, who am I kidding? A girl can dream, can't she?

In other news, today I deleted my MySpace account. I felt it was time. I only got on there to make occassional status updates and to do quizzes, and the only person on my friends list that's on MySpace more than Facebook is my sister, and as much as I hate the telephone, it's much more practical just to call/text her. I do pay for that service, after all. The only disadvantage to not having a MySpace is that I won't get to see as many pictures of my feline niece and nephews, but that's okay. I can always just get her to show them to me when I go home.

I'm struggling to stay awake at work here. I've gotten up earlier than usual the last three days in a row, and that's without going to bed any earlier. Pray the coffee helps.

Wizard of Oz stuff for sale

I have decided that I am a grown-up now. Not only do I feel the need to get rid of unnecessary things in my life, I also feel the need to let go of some of the things in my past. I have tons of Wizard of Oz stuff, and while I still love Judy Garland eternally, I'm a little too old to have so many dolls and toys in the house. Plus, can you imagine bringing a guy home to my place with all the collectibles I have sitting around. What a cockblock that would be! (Or vag block, I suppose.) Anyway, if you're interested in any of it, let me know. I can send pictures or let you come over and take a look at what I've got (depending on who you are, naturally).

Working Woman's Blues

Work is slow (again), so I guess it's time for a riveting blog update!

I was without a car for five days. Well, technically only two I guess, but really five. Turns out it was the fuel pump, which only cost me a $160 as opposed to the $500 or $600 it potentially could have cost. $160 is still a lot of money to someone in my financial situation.

Jon-Michael and I went to Chicago for July 4th. I'd been wanting to go back ever since our first trip, and it worked out that we could both get the 3rd off, so we decided to go then. Having my car break down two days before leaving for Chicago was very fortunate in a way. That meant it didn't matter that I was without a car, but it also meant that I had to be a thrifty spender while in Chicago in order to make sure I had enough money for my repairs when I got back. The trip, of course, was great. I really like Chicago and would love to visit more often. It rained on the 4th, but we got to take a water taxi on Lake Michigan that day, and I think the rain made it more interesting. I'm normally one to complain about getting caught in the rain, but it was really just a light drizzle all day and I was so happy to be in Chicago that I really didn't care. I was unable to chip in on parking and gas for the trip, but thankfully Jon-Michael is damn near loaded so I'm just going to pay him back for my half once I get paid again. I get paid a week from today. I have an expired, almost empty, gallon of milk and barely any gas in my car. I have $2.38 in my checking account. Ain't life grand?

For those of you who actually read this, and who are my real friends, I have some pictures from my Chicago trip up on Facebook. Soon I plan on adding them to my scrapbook from the last Chicago trip. You know, whenever I can afford to buy scrapbooking supplies.

My car wouldn't start this morning. This is just what I need right now.

Karl Malden has died now. What is going on in Hollywood?

I am famous! Okay, not really.

My review of Nashville's show is up on The Nicks Fix! OMFG!

This is equivalent to getting my Ellen letter on Bootleg Betty! So exciting!

Jam #2

Have you ever been to a parade in which there was a marching band? You know how the closer the band gets, the more you can feel the drums, until suddenly the reverberation is so strong that you can feel the beat in your bones and even all the way through your chest? I had a similar experience Friday night at the Fleetwood Mac concert.

The Nashville show was SO much better than the Columbus show. Partly it was because I was closer and able to see things that I couldn't see before. But it was also because Stevie seemed more into it (she even twirled earlier this time, during "Gypsy"). They did the same set list, quite possibly in the exact same order, but I didn't care. I got to watch Stevie exit the stage behind the band every single time. I could see the way that she drummed her fingers against Lindsey's shoulder while they embraced during "Sara". I saw the crew standing at the base of the stairs on the opposite end of the stage wearing cowboy hats and bandanas over their mouths like Western bandits, and I got to see Stevie throw back her head in laughter when she saw them. During Mick's drum solo, I was able to see that Lindsey, even though this was his only break during the entire show, didn't leave the stage; he merely sat down in the front stage left corner of the stage behind a speaker with his legs outstretched. I got to watch the backup singers prepping for their return to the stage after Mick's drum solo by dancing to the rhythm.

I still remember the rush of excitement I felt in Columbus when the lights came up and they started playing "Monday Morning". Nashville left me with a different feeling altogether. During "Dreams", the first song of the evening that featured Stevie singing lead, I could feel her voice reverberating like the drums during a parade. It went all the way up through my toes and into my veins until it made its way right to my heart. I have never felt so emotionally connected to someone before. Where in Columbus I cried during "Sara" and "Silver Springs" because I was so moved by the lyrics and Stevie's haunting voice, in Nashville I felt tears welling up during "Monday Morning" because I could not believe I was there, again, taking in Lindsey's genius and Stevie's ethereal beauty.

I'm sure many of my friends saw what I posted as my Facebook status after the show - that I wanted to lick the heel of Stevie's velvet platform stiletto while she was still wearing it. I know, a little strange. But I cannot explain to you how vibrant and beautiful she was Friday night. Stevie is the only woman who can make wearing so much clothing sexy. When she came out to do "Landslide" wearing this gorgeous deep red dress with thigh high stilettos, I was just totally blown away by her. Even now, I cannot put into words how she made me feel on Friday night.

My only regret of the evening was not going back for my camera. In Columbus they had signs up saying no cameras, so I had to take mine back to the car. In Nashville, we thought we were getting there like thirty minutes before the show so I knew I wouldn't have enough time to take my camera back to the car had I not been able to take it in. But, my dad and I didn't realize that Nashville was on central time and we got there super early. I could have gone back to my car to get the camera, but I had to use the bathroom REALLY bad and could think of nothing else. In a way, not having my camera was a plus because I would have been focusing too much on trying to get pictures and not really experienced the show. But I wish I had some pictures to remember that night. It was the closest I had ever been to Stevie, quite possibly the closest I ever will be, and I wanted to remember it.

No one could ever possibly understand the way I feel about Stevie Nicks. She and Bette Midler are so much more than just singers to me. Maybe my love for them borders on creepy. I guess other people would know that more than I would. But to have someone love you (indirectly, obviously; I may be delusional but I'm not crazy) unconditionally and with no bounds, without the fear of ever being rejected, you cannot know the overwhelming feelings that that creates. If only someday I could ever have someone love me the same way that I love them...

I has muh own lolcat!

Click the pic to view the entire caption. *sigh* Stupid Blogger.

I remember.

You can call what is about to occur a pity party if you wish. In a way, I suppose it is. I just feel that when a person experiences a great loss in their life, that person is entitled to feel an enduring affection for that person that has passed on. What bothers me is when other people also uphold memories of that departed loved one without having had the same connection to them. I suppose I should clarify.

For anyone who doesn't already know this about me, my (favorite) uncle Ace died in a car accident when I was nine years old. He had been married for some time, I don't remember how long, but was divorced at the time of his death. His ex-wife's sister had a young daughter. She was maybe four whenever Ace died. As I said, he and his ex-wife were divorced. This ex-niece of his, fourteen years later, still talks about him and holds "memories" of him. Her MySpace profile talks of how her uncle Ace is her hero and she misses him every day. She also says her favorite number is five, which was the number he wore in baseball/softball.

There is no possible way that she remembers him. She was four years old and didn't see him that often because she didn't even live in Campbellsville at the time. She wasn't the one who listened to Motley Crue and headbanged with him. She wasn't the one who had a sleepover at his house, watched Iron Will and played Super Mario Brothers 3 on his big screen TV. He didn't buy her Puppy Surprise and a Lion King sleeping bag for Christmas. He didn't take her to the Louisville Speedway to see the "40 foot elves" advertised on the radio, only to find out there were ten 4-foot elves.

I am angry that she still claims to feel his presence in her life and miss him so dearly. If he were alive, they wouldn't even have anything to do with each other. She has no idea what it feels like to truly lose someone who was both like a friend and an older brother.

coffee and legal pads

Things with Bogie have been really stressful. I worry about him like he's a little baby and today I'm leaving him home alone and not closed up in the utility closet. With the way he's been doing when I'm asleep at night, I think he will be fine, but still I worry. I took him to the vet on Sunday because I discovered fleas while bathing him the night before. This has also caused a little strain, because that vet visit depleted my funds until this coming Monday. He's also sneezing a lot, which makes me think I need to take him back to the vet. But the sneezing started Monday and the day before the vet had said his lungs sounded good, so I guess I will just monitor his condition and take him if I feel I need to next week.

Jon-Michael and I have decided to go to Chicago for 4th of July weekend. It was a spur of the moment sort of thing, and now I'm beginning to wonder if I can afford it. My credit card bill is a little more than usual for June because of the fact that my finance charges have put me over my credit limit. Personally, I think that's bullshit and finance charges should not count against you. After all, that's not money that you actually spent. Whatever. And I am really going to have to stock up on food this time around so I don't have that to worry about when it comes time for my end of the month paycheck (since most of that's going to have to go to my trip). I will be making slightly more money at work as of the 30th, but it's only like $30 a paycheck, so that won't make much difference right away. That's a tank of gas though, so I guess that's something to be grateful for.

Why can't it just be January so I can get my year-end bonus?

my new BFF

I have had a very full couple of days. On Sunday, I brought home a baby kitty. His name is Bogie and he is PRECIOUS. I'm trying to wean him from a bottle right now. He's only about five weeks old and we have no idea what happened to his mother or how long they have been separated. He's doing really well about not getting into things, but I have yet to leave him home for a whole day. The past two days I've left work for my lunch break to go home and check on him. I have him closed up in the utility room (which is practically empty, so he has plenty of room) for now. I don't want to leave him out in the apartment until he is big enough where I can't lose him underneath what little furniture I have. Everyone has to come over and see him sometime soon!

Leaving work now. I'll update again soon!

Happy birthday Stephanie Lynn!

Sorry I almost forgot!

There will be a live CD of Bette's Vegas show?? Oh my stars! And Designing Women is FINALLY coming out on DVD. There might be a God after all.

new iPod

Fuck you Apple and your inability to transfer music from an old iPod to a new iPod.

iPod

The time has finally come: I have too much stuff to store on my iPod. So, I have a white 30 GB video iPod that I am asking $100 for. If that sounds too steep to you, make an offer. I need to upgrade, so any money I make will be helpful. Any takers?

Attention boys and girls!

I have decided to go see Fleetwood Mac again!

They've extended their tour and are going to be in Nashville on June 19th. Since I'm not going to be able to afford to see Bette this year, I decided I totally have to go see FM again. My seats are much closer this time (something I am paying a pretty penny for) and I'm really excited about going again. I can't get their songs out of my head!!

I'm also going to see Blondie and Pat Benatar in Cincinnati in August. This will be both mine and my sister's third time seeing Blondie. The concert is the day after my birthday and the day before our King's Island trip at work, so it looks to be a pretty great weekend. Other good news includes rumors that Bette may be extending her Vegas contract, which gives me more time to go see her! Yay!

My jaw's all fucked up, and while it doesn't hurt, I'm basically chewing sideways so it makes eating very difficult. And I am so hungry. :(

Amos Lee

I went to the Amos Lee show at The Dame last night with LaTisha and Meagan. It was awesome! I got to head out of work a little early, so I headed straight over to Meagan's where we were all three meeting. We walked down to The Dame and got in the enormous line to get in. We probably only waited like fifteen minutes, but LaTisha was a little worried I wouldn't be able to get in because I was the only one of us without a ticket. I made it just fine. We each got a drink at the bar and then we pushed our way to the front of the crowd, partly thanks to my large chest. (What can I say, people move for boobs.)

I got to do some joyous people watching during the show as well. Toward the end, this small group of drunken girls made their way up to the front left. One girl (dressed in a Western-style shirt with a short haircut) had been standing near me for quite some time. When these girls came up, they were dancing like mad. Western girl is dancing and in the groove of the music one of the other girls ends up dancing right up against her. This went on for several minutes, with her even reaching behind her body at one point to put her arm behind the head of Western girl. It wasn't until the song was over, and the girl's friends pointed it out to her, that said girl noticed Western girl was indeed a chick. She danced solely with her friends for the remainder of the show. Seeing Western girl and her REALLY HOT guy friend talk about the hilarity of it all was very amusing. I told LaT and Megs that we're all gonna have to go to the mall together one day and people watch.

The most interesting part of the evening came later. We hung around outside for a little bit hoping to see Amos because LaTisha is totally in love with him and wants to have his babies. Amos' bass player Jaron got sent out (after the small crowd left) to talk to us for a little bit. We asked what their plans were and told him about Lynaugh's. Jaron got Meagan's number and we went on to Lynaugh's, stopping at Meagan's apartment for potty breaks and freshening up. Meagan took her phone charger since it was about to die and we found a spot for her to plug in her phone at the bar. (Wow, we are such nerds!) LaTisha and I ran to Speedway and by the time we got back found out that Jaron and the guys were on their way down. It was further than they thought, so we actually ended up meeting them at the corner of Maxwell and Woodland. Unfortunately they were pressed for time and had to head on back to the bus, so we walked with them. It was drizzling a little bit and cold, but we didn't mind. It was Amos, Jaron, and the keyboardist Michael. We all sort of traded out who we walked with every few feet, which was cool and gave each of us a little time to talk to Amos. He asked me what I did (he already knew that we all met from working at Whole Foods, so we talked about Whole Foods a little), what my ambitions were, and we talked a little about how people in more rural areas tend to marry younger. He made the comment that in our society, you're expected to know your career before you know yourself, and that I totally agree with. We made it back to the bus, said goodbye, and went on our merry little way. It was really cool being able to hang out with Amos and afterwards I learned that his degree is in English. How cool is that?

I guess I'm now an Amos Lee fan.

What a beautiful day!

It has now been over a week since the Fleetwood Mac show. Sad.

This weekend has been interesting. I was unexpectedly left with no plans for the entire weekend, so Friday after work I watched Slumdog Millionaire (which was good but not AMAZING like everyone has been saying) and then went to Buffalo Wild Wings with Chris and Andrew. I hadn't been there in a while, so that was cool. Saturday morning I woke up on my own at like 9:30, so I decided to drive to Campbellsville because I had no one to hang out with at all that day and I didn't feel like sitting around the house bored all day. I didn't get in until like 2, then picked my sister up from work at 3 and we went to E-town for a few hours. We ate at Steak'n'Shake and just went to a few stores. Neither of us really had anything we wanted to buy or money to spend, so we were just hanging out. I went to my grandma's house for a late supper after that. So yesterday was cool. I got to enjoy the nice weather being out and about like that, saw all my grandparents for a little bit, and got to see a few of the cousins. I came back up here last night mainly just because I didn't want to have to get up and go to church in the morning. I got a couple movies from Redbox before I came home and watched Role Models last night before I went to bed. This morning I slept until like 11:30 and literally did nothing for two hours. Jon-Michael and I went to a late lunch at Cheddar's around 2, and after that I just did some running around. I bought a new wallet and a poster frame for my Fleetwood Mac poster that I'm going to put above my bar. Most importantly, I bought two patio chairs. They're not snazzy nor all that comfy (I plan on buying cushions after I get paid again) but now I can sit out on my balcony with a guest and enjoy the lovely weather, which is what I have been doing for the last hour and a half (minus the guest). Blogging on my balcony in the sunshine. It's quite nice.

Fleetwood Mac recap

I'm sure many of you are just reeling to hear about Saturday. Personally, I'm still a little in shock that it happened. I'm going to try to give a quick rundown of the day, but I can't promise it's going to be very interesting.

I got an early start on Saturday, finishing some cleaning and running a few errands. My dad got here early and we just sort of chilled out for an hour or so and left for Columbus around 2:30. The drive up went pretty fast. We listened to Fleetwood Mac on the way then stopped about forty-five miles outside of Columbus at KFC for a bite to eat. Unfortunately it was a KFC/A&W, and even though the sign showed mashed potatoes in the combo that we both ordered, we got french fries. :( We got into downtown Columbus right around 6:30. (The show was at 8.) They had lots of roads blocked off for traffic flow, I guess. There was a Columbus Clippers game going on literally across the street, so it must have just been a busy night.

Waiting was horrendous. They didn't open the doors until 7 (and cameras weren't allowed, sadly) so we just stood out there semi-patiently. We headed straight to the merchandise stands at 7, and I got a T-shirt, a poster, and a keychain. Once in our seats, I could not keep still. My leg kept involuntarily tapping furiously. I would realize it and make it stop, then it would start right back up again moments later. People started pouring in about a quarter till 8, and the lights went down about 8:15. My dad spotted Mick coming up onto the stage first. I kept watching and watching (I figure out which side they would be coming from early on because of the way the sides were set up.) and finally I could see her. My heart jumped into my throat.

They opened with "Monday Morning" and then went right into "The Chain" and "Dreams" (of course). The order of things is a little blurred after that, although I do remember what songs they did. The only Christine-penned songs they did were "World Turning" (the first encore, in which Mick did a kickass drum solo), "Don't Stop", and "Say You Love Me". The first two are ones in which she split vocals with Lindsey anyway, so those didn't seem much different, but it was really cool to have Stevie split lead with Lindsey on "Say You Love Me". Everyone looked and sounded great. Older, but still great. The guys did "Oh Well" which was a total surprise but also incredible. It's very blues-heavy (from the time Peter Green was with the band in England) and there were these really hilarious moments where they showed Mick's cheesy grin on the screen. They also did "I Know I'm Not Wrong" from Tusk, which I'm sure over half of the people in the crowd didn't know. There was also "Big Love", "Go Insane" (although not the acoustic version that Lindsey usually does live), "Never Going Back Again", and "I'm So Afraid" (which was the one my dad wanted to hear most).

But, most importantly, I got to hear the songs I most wanted: "Gyspy", "Second Hand News", "Sara", and "Silver Springs" (the final encore and the second song to bring me to tears that night). Stevie also did "Storms", which was beautiful, and "Stand Back". That was her solo song of the evening, since Lindsey got to do "Go Insane".

The first time I cried was during "Sara". Stevie walked over to Lindsey and they put their heads on each other's shoulders. I was blubbering like a baby. Even after the show started, every time I stood, my knees were all wobbly. I felt like I was hungry and hadn't eaten all day or something, but after the show I felt totally fine. That's when I realized it must have just been all the excitement I was feeling.

We were kind of far from the stage, but I had a clear trajectory to Stevie the entire time. I was the only person in our section that stood for the majority of the time, until the encores, so I didn't have to worry about anyone obstructing my view or anything like that. I almost wish we had been on the floor, but I wouldn't have been able to see then anyway.

My dad had a really great time and kept saying how awesome the show was. As for me, I was in heaven. I didn't want to leave. I could have stayed there all night listening to them play, and I want to go see them again! Seeing Stevie and Lindsey together like that has been the greatest moment of my life so far. Now I almost don't want to go see Bette this year just because I don't want it to overshadow my experience from Saturday. Seeing Fleetwood Mac is an experience I want to remember for the rest of my life, and just like all important things that have passed, my greatest fear is forgetting.

Here is a setlist from the opening night show Fleetwood Mac did for the tour. It was all the same songs, just possibly in a slightly different order:

- "Monday Morning"
- "The Chain"
- "Dreams"
- "I Know I'm Not Wrong"
- "Gypsy"
- "Go Insane"
- "Rhiannon"
- "Second Hand News"
- "Tusk"
- "Sara"
- "Big Love"
- "Landslide"
- "Never Going Back Again"
- "Storms"
- "Say That You Love Me"
- "Gold Dust Woman"
- "Oh Well"
- "I'm So Afraid"
- "Stand Back"
- "Go Your Own Way"
(encore)
- "World Turning"
- "Don't Stop"
- "Silver Springs"

In less than twelve hours...

...I'll be on my way to Columbus. I've sort of developed a little wish list in my head of songs that I hope they do. Of course, "Dreams", "Rhiannon", and probably "Gypsy" are on there, but they are givens to a tour professing to consist only of the hits. Word is they're doing "Sara", which will be thrilling. However, the song I really want to hear is "Silver Springs". I will die if they do that song. "Second Hand News" is also way up on my list, and "I Don't Wanna Know" would be a nice treat, but that one's a shot in the dark. I am just sooo excited about later. I can't even sleep.

We're leaving Lexington around 2:30, and I have tons to do before then. Gotta vacuum, return some stuff to Wet Seal, clean out my car, buy soap. It's going to be a busy morning leading up to a marvelous day!

The world is coming to an end.

Why didn't anyone tell me that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up?? I will be lost without them!!!

Things are going well today. I'm in a good mood and work hasn't been unbearable. In fact, job #1 was swell today. We weren't all that busy and I actually got to relax and take my time doing my work. It was nice.

I went back to the oral surgeon this morning and he doesn't seem too concerned about the feeling of swelling that I still have in my left cheek. My mouth wasn't sensitive on the inside, so he thinks any infection I may have had must be gone, but wants to see me in two weeks just in case there are any flare-ups.

It seems like there was a reason I decided to post a blog today, but I can't think of it now.

Eight days until Fleetwood Mac!

Sleepwalking Angel

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

*deep breath*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I have been working without a day off since March 12 and working two jobs since the 16th. My brain feels like it is trying to claw its way out of my head. I can't relax, and even when I manage to it isn't for very long. I'm still cooking myself dinner almost every night and managing my laundry and cleaning. I will be so glad when I finally get two paychecks at once because I have yet to reap any financial benefits from this seeming torture I am putting myself through.

I still like my new job, don't get me wrong. It's way better than all of the kissing ass I have to do at Whole Foods all the time. Customer service is a joke and anyone who works it, with the exception of people who never finished high school and have had five children within the time they get their driver's license and their thirteith birthday (Am I spelling thirteith wrong? It looks wrong.), deserves better.

Yesterday they set me loose and my work no longer has to be double-checked. Yay! I have been called awesome by my bosses. ("You are doing an...," wait for it, "awesome job.") Things are running quite smoothly, but I what I do is so repetitious that it constantly leaves me second-guessing myself. (Did I already check that form? Did I have enough copies of this one?) I have to find a way to make it exciting again. I know that if I weren't so wiped out in general that I would probably be okay with everything there, but right now I am just going through the motions everywhere. The only thing that has brought me joy in the past week is Stevie. Watching her, listening to her, and thinking about my next day off: April 18th, when I will be driving to Columbus to SEE HER LIVE. She is the only thing that is getting me through.

I wish I had some wonderful, wise Stevie words to say now. Ah! I shall leave you with this:

Take me sleeping angel,
Catch me if you can,
And unbraid with all the love that you have
Like a soft, silver chain

(Thanks Kent!)

grumblings

Alright, so my gums/jaws still hurt occasionally from getting my wisdom teeth out. I really don't want to go back to the oral surgeon about it, but I may have to. Apparently different people have different healing times, but it's been three weeks. I just don't want to deal with another infection. I can't afford to buy any meds right now.

The job's going well. Over the past three days, I feel like I've really gotten the hang of things. I'm getting better all the time.

Three weeks and one day until Fleetwood Mac!

excitation

I am currently working job #2 for today. I'm sure I'll be tired tomorrow. I was at DFS from 8:30 to a little after 5 and I clocked in at WFM at 5:34. I'm here until 10. But tomorrow I get to sleep a little longer in the morning, so that will be nice.

Today was the first day I and the other new employees were able to get out on the floor and start learning our jobs. I haven't gotten to do much yet, but I am still REALLY excited. I finally got to go to my own cubicle today. I have my own computer, my own space, a wireless headset for my phone, and my phone EVEN HAS MY NAME ON IT. You know, like, on the screen. How freakin' awesome is that? I feel like a kid in a candy store in this place. The only bad thing I've found so far? I don't get my first paycheck until April 15.

I'll be glad when Friday rolls around so I can buy some groceries and have something other than oatmeal and pasta to eat.

news

Here it is, almost a week after my oral surgery and I am still in pain. The most solid food I've eaten is pizza (yesterday) and that was a long process. I'm pretty sure my stitches are coming out though, which is kind of gross. I go back to see the oral surgeon tomorrow, so hopefully he can tell me why my cheeks are still swollen. :(

I start a new job on Monday. I am going to be working as a contract auditor with Dealers' Financial Services. I'll be staying on part-time with Whole Foods for some time. I'd like to get my credit card paid off and buy some amenities for myself. You know, couch, washer, dryer, that sort of thing. Maybe I can even send myself to Vegas (since Ellen clearly isn't going to). I'm really excited about getting to do something new. I even get my own cubicle!

That's it for now. For some reason I'm still really tired.

I look like a freaking chipmunk.

Got my wisdom teeth out yesterday so I am recuperating from that. My mouth hurts REALLY bad, even with Lortab every four hours. I can barely fit like half a spoon in my mouth, and all I've eaten since yesterday morning at 7 is a Frosty, strawberry yogurt, and chocolate pudding. Not in large quantities either. But I have until Tuesday to feel up to going to work, so I think I should be okay by then. Unfortunately, most of my federal tax refund that I was going to use to pay for those Fleetwood Mac tickets had to be spent on my procedure yesterday because I didn't have as much money in my HRA as I thought. Hopefully things will work out in my favor and I won't be terribly broke much longer. (More to come on that next week.)

My Ellen video now has over 100 views on YouTube. If you haven't watched it yet, you should!

Hey Ya!

I did it! I posted a video on YouTube. I put a Bette song on it, but of course YouTube wouldn't let me use it for copyright reasons, so I had to use one of their pre-licensed songs. I hope it doesn't sound too lame.

Less money, mo' problems.

Well, it's happened. A good financial time for me just went bad. A check that I wrote went through the day before I got paid and now I've been charged $90 in overdraft fees because of three charges I made after that. Why does this always happen to me? The thing that pisses me off the most about it was the fact that the check that went through was a check to MY FUCKING BANK for my car payment.

I hate my life.

So I'm a nut. What are you gonna do about it?

The past few days I've been feeling sort of depressed. It's kind of hard to explain. I've just been feeling like I am a waste of space. Wow, um, how do I put that less...depressingly? Through me doing this Ellen thing and the lack of response, or subsequent comments, I've gotten from people, I'm beginning to worry about whether or not I am ever going to accomplish anything. Writing a letter to a celebrity and getting on TV for it, in my world, constitutes as an accomplishment. But it's been a week and a half and I've only gotten twelve comments. I have been promoting the SHIT out of this letter, and no one has noticed. For several days, I was updating my Facebook status every couple of hours trying to get people to come view my letter. I mean, I have 189 Facebook friends. It's just ridiculous.

Maybe I'm giving up too easily. It just seems that any time I get excited about something, no one else cares, so I get down in the dumps pretty quickly. I don't know why I'm not used to this by now. I've always felt like people look at my interests as stupid. Especially Bette. Anyone that knows me knows how much Bette Midler has been part of my life. But I got ridiculed all through school for loving Bette, and even now I still get flack from some people who think that Bette is lame, etc. I've told some people in my life that if I had to make the choice between saving them and saving Bette, I would save Bette. I know it sounds crazy seeing how this a person I have never met, but the people in my life (with a few exceptions) come and go so easily. Bette has always been there for me, and she always will be. I never have to worry about her rejecting me because my relationship with her is not real. She would never do anything to hurt me. Mainly because she has no clue I exist, but that doesn't matter. Having fantastical relationships with celebrities reaches beyond the bounds of normal relationships. Although, in actuality, the relationship is one-sided, the beauty of the whole thing is that I can believe whatever I want to believe about how that person might would feel about me. I know this all might sound odd, but becoming obsessed with celebrities is how I dealt with the losses I experienced (specifically the loss of my uncle Ace) in my childhood. It was my way of dealing with mortality - fixating on people who are, in a sense, immortal. That's why I would choose Bette Midler over some of the real, physical beings that I know. Her legacy is so great that even when she passes, she will always be here. And it's much easier to deal with that kind of loss than a tangible one.

cubicle #6

Mister D is going to provide the link to my Ellen letter to Bootleg Betty readers this weekend! This is a HUGE deal. This is the Bette website. It's not her official website, but it's better! This is the one that all the BetteHeads read to get the most up-to-date info. I'm super excited! 8 comments and counting at this point. Hopefully I can get a few more. I really appreciate everyone's help so far!

I've made an appointment for Monday to consult about getting my wisdom teeth cut out. I have one already, and now another one is starting to poke through. They're really starting to cause me some pain. I can feel the tightness in my mouth. My mouth is so tiny I can barely fit all the teeth I have, so you can imagine that getting more is slightly painful. This could be contributing to all my neck and jaw problems as well. Fortunately, I have quite a bit of money in my FSA account, and it should pay for most, if not all, of the procedure. Yay! I guess my crappy health insurance is at least good for one thing.

I still haven't gotten a power cord for my laptop. I guess I need to do that soon. Oh! But I've already pre-spent my tax refund. I'm taking my dad to Columbus to see Fleetwood Mac in April! I was going to go anyway, I had already decided, but I am taking him as an early birthday present. He turns fifty this year, so I thought something big (a.k.a. expensive) was in order. He was worried about the drive, but I told him it wasn't a big deal. Driving three hours to see the greatest band of all time? That's nothing! It ought to be a great show.

Dear Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen, I am a huge fan of your show and watch it every chance that I get. Your energy is infectious, and you make so many people happy with what you do. I write to you today with a conundrum. It's a small problem in the scheme of things, but I ask simply for a listening ear, or in this case, eye. I feel it's best for me to give you a little background information about myself so that you can fully understand my problem.

My name is Lora Riggs and last May I graduated from the University of Kentucky with a Bachelor of Arts in English. As much as I enjoyed my time in college, the current economic downturn has left me stuck in the same customer service job that I held during my last year of school. I do make more than I ever have at my current job, but with the repayment of college loans looming over my shoulders, I am just as broke as ever. Just paying for my living expenses and the loans on my used car leave me just enough money to buy food and gas each month and rarely do I have any money left over for myself. I enjoy no luxuries. I do not have cable or internet at home, and I don't even have a couch in the apartment I have lived in for the last ten months.

The reason I am writing to you is that for over half of my life (I am 23), I have been an avid Bette Midler fan. I own all of her albums and listen to her often. I love watching Bette's old music videos and TV specials and every day I pray for the day that her television series Bette! will be released on DVD. Bette Midler is the love of my life - you can ask anyone who has ever known me for more than a week, and they can attest to this. Bette's first tour that she did since I have been a fan was Divine Miss Millennium. At the time, I was just a freshman in high school and had no way of seeing her live. She was too far away. Ever since then, circumstances have never matched up so that I could travel to see Bette perform. I was hoping that with her current stay in Vegas, I would be able to make it. But alas, there is always some unexpected expense (car repairs, etc.) that has heretofore still left me financially incapable of traveling to Vegas.

So I write to you today, Ellen, for help. All I've ever wanted is to see Bette Midler live. It would be the greatest moment of my life. I just need a little help getting there.

Thank you for your time, and I wish you good luck and happiness in all that you do!

Sincerely,
Lora Riggs

I'm a broke-ass bitch.

I still have a defunct power cord at home, so no laptop usage for me. Back to the good ole public library.

I've been working on my tax stuff and am very disappointed to only be receiving $220. I made more than I ever have last year, pushing me up into a new tax bracket, apparently, because I'm not getting shit. I made $7000 more in '08 than '07, and last time I got back $850. It makes absolutely no fucking sense to me. Worst of all though, this kills all of my dreams of possibly seeing Bette Midler this year. I'm already broke all the time, plus I just spent $250 getting my car fixed. I was relying on a solid tax return to send me to Las Vegas, but alas, no. I never get what I want.

So I have decided it is time to turn to the gods of celebrity for help. I'm considering even going to YouTube for this if I have to, but look out here in the next little bit for an open letter to Ellen DeGeneres.

Oh, and I finally got my car back last Wednesday. Yay!

No car for you! Come back one week!

One week later and my car is still being repaired. Last I heard (on Friday), they didn't even have the goddamn parts in. I want my car...NOW. I hate driving my mom's car. Not that it's that bad or anything, I just hate driving other peoples' cars. It's so awkward.

I watched the Super Bowl last night and was actually pretty impressed. That interception at the Arizona end zone that turned into a touchdown for Pittsburgh? Amazing. I wish I could remember that guy's name. He's going to be in sports history books for quite a long time.

There was something else, other than stuff about my car, that I was wanting to update on, but I have totally forgotten now that I am actually here in front of the computer.

Oh yeah! I remember! My fucking laptop isn't working! So I am currently updating from the public library. Yeah. Something's wrong with my AC power cord and it won't work. My computer's already dead, so it's just been sitting sadly in my room for the past week and a half, unable to be used. I would buy another power cord, but since that would run me at least a hundred dollars, it's going to have to wait. Why does everything always go wrong at the same time?

stupid ice storm

I've been here at my parents' house in C-ville for the past couple days. The electricity has been off most of the day today and it has SUCKED. So I slept to pass the time.

I'm getting my car worked on. I hate being without a car. I hate even more paying to get my car fixed.

On tonight's agenda: contemplating suicide.

Not really. Don't send the fucking cops over here or something.

Last weekend, let's just say I had some "issues" with my car that are basically straightened out now. Poor little Reba Nell has a hole where someone decided to bust my front bumper and not let me know about it. So, I have to be out $250 (and that's just my deductible) to get her all patched up. Granted, I could be like all those other people who don't get their wrecked cars fixed, but seeing as how my car is the only tangible thing I own, I kind of like to keep her looking sharp. Now, the reason I said "contemplating suicide" is that I have a hard enough time paying all of my bills as is. Throw in an extra $250 expense and we begin to have a much more serious problem. I could wait until I get my tax refund back, but that's my Vegas1 money. So I'm just going to have to cut even more corners than usual for the next month or two so that I can pay for these repairs.

But now I'm seriously freaking out about money. I'm trying to figure out which bills to pay when in order for me to have the most money available out of tomorrow's paycheck to get my car fixed. With me doing this, my rent is going to be barely on time for the next two months, if not longer. This will leave less money for me to spend on food than usual, and I can forget about leaving the house because I won't be able to afford the gas to go anywhere but to work. I've really not been wanting to go back to school because...well, I just don't want to...but I'm starting to think I may have to in order to get people to take my degree seriously. I can't even get a fucking internship!

Ugh, okay. Enough complaining. It's time to go to bed. I have to get up in the morning to go get my tags renewed. (Another wonderful unexpected expense.)

1My Vegas money is not gambling money as one might think. This refers to the money I have to spend this year in order to finally go see Bette Midler, the love of my life, live in concert. Plus all the Bette-related merchandise I will be purchasing while I'm there...

I wonder if she was like that lady with the fried egg on her head.

I was at Walmart earlier picking up some dishwashing tablets. As usual, I went through the U-Scan, waiting behind this tiny little lady who was bordering on old. As she finished her transaction, the machine said, "Thank you for shopping at Walmart." The lady said, "You're welcome."

I need some serious help with my blog. I want to give it a little more of my personality, but I'm not really sure what to add. Considering my personality is largely unoriginal, I seem to be stuck. Even the title I chose is a little blah. I've always said that if I ever published a book of essays, I would call it Ramblings of an Ignorant Soul. That title might even work for a memoir. But I came up with the title in high school and I am beginning to feel that I've outgrown it. Or maybe I'm just tired of it. I'm not really sure anymore.

I'm doing really well with this eating healthier thing. I did my bi-monthly grocery shopping on Sunday and bought tons of fresh produce, and I even made chicken noodle soup from scratch. I haven't actually tried it yet (it's in the freezer for later consumption), but I plan on taking it to work for lunch tomorrow. I also have an avocado that I'll be trying in the next few days. Yum.

Not much to talk about, although the last few days have been pretty full. I've been FINALLY working on the scrapbook of my sister's wedding stuff (fourteen months later), and today I have plans with two different people for the evening. It's going to be a long night.

Fleetwood Mac's spring tour has been up on Ticketmaster for some time, but there are only a handful of dates, none of which go west of the Mississippi or south of Illinois. Surely to god there will be more shows. I have to go see them this time!