When the rain washes you clean, you'll know.

Well, I got a flat tire again. This is three (second time on the same tire) within less than two months. I am just about fed up with...well, everything. I'm sick of owing so much money on a worthless piece of shit car, I'm sick of having credit card debt that I can't afford to stay out of, and I'm really sick of living hand-to-mouth 90% of the time. I don't understand. I'm making more money now than I ever have and somehow I keep digging myself deeper and deeper. I suppose now that I've stopped spending money on concerts (hey, a girl's gotta live, right?) that things will improve a little, but I'm still stuck in a rut with this car. Just when I decided I would try to stick it out with this car for another year in order to get my balance down on it, now this tire situation comes up. I don't have the money laying around to just up and buy another tire. In the morning I'm going to take my car to Wal-Mart and see if they can just patch it. Otherwise, I'll owe my parents fifty bucks for helping me out with the tire. I get paid on Thursday, but what does that matter anymore? I have to pay my rent and my credit card bill, then it will be time to buy groceries again.

I'm also fucked right now because of the fact that I finally broke down and went to the clinic. I've had this sort of cough for over a month and haven't felt just right the whole time. Every time I thought I was getting better it would get worse. Finally I just said screw it and went, hoping I could get it cleared up. The way my health care plan works, I get billed for office visits, but I still had to pay for my prescription. $30 for 6 pills! And to top it all off, what they gave me was a Z-pack, which I had forgotten makes me nauseous. So I paid thirty bucks for 5 days worth of stomach cramps. Awesome!

My head's been racing lately too. Things seemed to have gotten better when I changed to this new position at work, but now I'm back to my old antics. I'm having trouble sleeping and focusing, and my body's all tense again too. I guess all this stress outside of work is what's doing it (money issues and whatnot), but it doesn't ease up when I'm at work. I used to be able to play some music while I was working to help me clear my head, but that's not working for me now either. It just seems that I can't ever stay stress-free for very long. My body just won't let me.