Friendship, friendship. Just the perfect blendship.

Dictionary.com defines "friend" as such:

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

But to what end does one remain a friend? I've been wondering that a lot lately. Certainly there are circumstances (like a job, specifically) that create friendships only to have them dissipate shortly thereafter thanks to departures. I know I've gained a lot of friends through the jobs I've had. Looking back, though, of all of the friends I've made through work situations, I can think of only one off the top of my head that has survived after both of us have moved on to other jobs. At least a dozen friendships that I considered to be close ones, gone. Is this normal? Or does this happen to me because I'm not worth keeping around? I wish someone could answer this question for me. One of you guys out there who I was once close friends with - you know who you are - tell me, please. What's so wrong with me that I'm not worth hanging out with/talking to/acknowledging?

I have self-esteem problems. That's no secret. I'm not really sure where they stemmed from (childhood shynesses?), but the lack of reliable friends in my life does not help me feel any better about myself. That's for damn sure. Plus, since I don't do very much with my friends (and the fact that I haven't been in an official relationship since before the Spice Girls hit the scene), I spend a lot of time by myself. Don't get me wrong: I love living alone and having time to myself. But too much time to myself only leads me to think about things that I don't need to think about. You know, the usual - death, poverty, starvation, job loss, the fate of my soul, childbirth...

I miss never knowing how my evenings were going to be spent. These days, most of them are spent either cleaning house, watching old TV shows, or staring at walls. I want to do something spontaneous! (Preferably something inexpensive, considering my current financial state.) Any ideas anyone?