Long time. Long time no see, huh?

I felt bad for slacking on my posts, until I logged onto Blogger to see that none of the blogs I currently follow have been updated in at least two months. Glad to see I'm not the only lazy DOB out there. (DOB - daughter of a bitch)

I have been busy almost constantly for the last six weeks. I've been driving back and forth from Lexington to Campbellsville, or Lexington to Lousiville, or any combination of those locales, a lot recently so I feel like I've hardly had time for myself. My nieces are still in the hospital but are doing great. They still receive some milk via feeding tube, so they can't come home until they're able to take 100% of their milk by bottle, but they are progressing nicely in this area. They've both also put on over a pound since birth and should both hopefully be a little over four pounds when they come home, which may or may not be at the same time.

We have all been incredibly blessed over the last six weeks to receive so much love, support, and prayers from people who will never really even be involved in the girls' lives. It's amazing how small communities pull together in times of crisis.

This past weekend was stressful. We had finally rescheduled the baby shower for Saturday the 14th, and so in order to get down there and start preparing for that, I went to Campbellsville after work Thursday evening. Unfortunately the road conditions were not good and my usual hour-and-a-half trip was stretched out to 2 hours and 20 minutes. It was agony and made me never want to get in a car again. But the baby shower went well, and I got to spend quite a bit of time at the hospital during the day on Friday, so all in all I would say it was a good weekend. I am exhausted, though, and I feel like this day of work has gone on forever.

Life's still throwing curveballs.

Well, I am an aunt now!

My sister was due on February 23rd, but had to have an emergency Caeserean on December 2nd. The girls were 12 weeks early and seem to be doing fine now. They are both off of ventilators and able to have milk. Let me just say it has been a stressful few days! We were supposed to have their baby shower on the 3rd, so needless to say that will have to be rescheduled. I guess we can have a "Welcome Home" party once they get back from the hospital.

I spent four days in and out of the hospital with my sister, so I am pretty pooped. It's crazy how you have a milestone come in your life that you have thought out and imagined how it will be in your head, and then it turns out completely differently. Things could have ended up so much worse.

And baby makes 22.

On Today this morning, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar announced that they are expecting their 20th kid in March.

Michelle is 45 years old.

I don't care how much you love children. What these people are doing is crazy. It's unsafe. This woman is putting her life at risk all because she's going to let God dictate the number of children she has. Jesus, woman. If you're not going to be on birth control, at least make your husband pull out!



Click here to watch the foolery.

Baby Fever

I have been having a lot of dreams about babies lately, either me having one or someone else. My mom thinks this is because of my sister being pregnant and all of us having baby on the brain. She's right about me having baby on the brain. But I have baby on the brain partly because I am really wanting one myself. I am now making it my mission to have a baby before I turn 31. I will do artificial insemination if need be, but I am also willing to go natural donor as well. Would I want the biological father's assistance or involvement? I don't know. I haven't really thought that all the way through yet. But I figure I have a little time to figure this out.

Oh baby!

For anyone who reads this blog and actually knows me, this is probably news you've already heard. For anyone else, well, if you care, here goes.

My younger sister is 10 weeks pregnant with twins. Obviously, as her older sister I am concerned about her. I worry about her health and comfort level, and the health of the babies. She's not unhealthy, but she's a really picky eater, and I want to be sure the babies are getting all the nutrients they need. I got her some prenatal vitamins with DHA, so hopefully that's going to be a good enough start.

My initial thoughts about the situation were purely stressful. My sister and her husband are not in the best financial situation. Of course, my mother will be able to provide free childcare so that is a major load off their shoulders, but they'll have to move into a bigger apartment and my brother-in-law will have to get a better job. I feel partially responsible for my family. Yes, I moved away, and that separates me from them somewhat. But at the same time, if they ever needed anything, I would feel like it was up to me to help them out. I'm not rolling in money myself, but I get by, and if money got really tight I could get a second job, move into a smaller apartment, or get a piece of junk car instead of the nice one (well, it started out nice) that I have now. I'm comfortable enough, and I don't need financial assistance. Babies are a major expense, and the fact that they have the equivalent of one decent-paying full-time job between the two of them worries me.

Before I had time to truly get over my initial worry, we found out there are two babies instead of one. This means he has to get another job and they have to move into a bigger apartment. No question. I just hope he will step up soon. These babies are going to be well taken care of and incredibly loved, and as worried as I was at first, I am now as excited. I have been fighting my own biological clock for a little while now. I am neither in a financial situation nor in a relationship conducive to child-rearing, but I want children very badly. The fact that I'm going to be able to be around my sister's children so much is going to help me sate my own maternal desires.

I have this major problem about worrying about things that are beyond my control. I need to just relax and let them do what they are going to do, but there are children involved now, and I want them to have the best life possible. I just have to hope everything works out, and I will help as much as I can or as much as I am needed to. Mostly I'm just excited about being an aunt and watching these children grow. I have to focus on that.

Hush little baby, don't say a word.

Well, that's it. I'm done working two jobs! Yay! I'm still not caught up on sleep, so I will be spending lots of time while I'm not at work on the couch. I actually think tonight I'm going to buy a log and have a fire going tonight. So warm. Mmm.

Okay, gotta tell you a secret. I really really really really want a baby. I know I'm not in the right place in my life in more ways than one, but all of these people keep having babies and I keep thinking of myself pregnant and wondering what it feels like and what I would look like and what it would make me think about. My biological clock will ring through my ears from time to time (has been for almost ten years now) and I just can't help but think about it. I think part of me is afraid it will never happen for me and that's why I seem to keep dwelling on it so much. I don't know. Plus I'm just lonely and I know that a baby would make me happy. Of course, I do have my cat baby, but a real baby doesn't claw and scratch the hell out of you when they get mad. Sigh. This has been a long week.

We're having a baby, my baby and me.

I had a dream on Saturday night that I was pregnant. It seemed that I hadn't known very long that I was pregnant, but I was quite far along. There was no talk about the baby's father, and I could tell from a few things my mom said in the dream that I was not married. I wasn't being totally chastised for being an unwed expectant mother (which would most definitely not be the case in real life), and at the same time I wasn't afraid of handling the situation completely on my own. The most amazing thing about the dream was how realistic it felt. I woke up still remembering the extra weight on my lower back and how swollen and tight my belly felt.

It was a reminder to me of how much I really do want a baby. I'm broke and sometimes I go out to bars too much, yet I really want a baby. Not the right time in my life, clearly, but the dream can serve as a reminder to me of where I want to be in ten years (or hopefully less).